Friday, October 17, 2003



For some reason this made me laugh. And i needed a laugh. not dealing too well with dad, and all this crap.

I haven't written in a while. Just too bummed to. I just keep avoiding everything. I was looking at the little "blog this!" button the last couple days and thinking damnit i should write, i NEED to write... come on, i was doing SO well there, almost every day for a while, and then it was like... fuck it. i just stopped doing EVERYTHING. I stopped having timme for most stuff, and the rest i just didn't wanna do any more.

I feel fat and ugly and incompetent. and it makes me feel sad. and i haven't been eating right. this not eatingn till 9:30 when james gets home from work isn't working... but i know he's suffering too. he's having lunch the same time I am, and not getting dinner till he gets home, because he's been working like 10 and 12 hr days. I jsut feel a little overwelmed. I'm still not unpacked. I still haven't written that letter demanding my deposit back on the last place. Gotta do that today. I feel bad that James might not get to see his family at the holidays. *sigh* i kinda feel bad that i HAVE to see my family at the holidays. I love them. I want them all to be happy. But goddamnit, can we have a five minute stretch where we PRETEND to be a Rockwell painting. My nerves can't take it any more.
Anyways, not really writing, not really doing anything any more, just kind of trying to struggle through. So. how do you put your past in your past, and make it stop affecting your present?

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