Thursday, November 20, 2003

Not feeling very good about life today.

Been feeling very down since monday when i looked at myself in the mirror. I put on 5lbs, and it IS the end of my world. I look bad, if eel bad. I have no time to work out and i'm not making that up. it's not that i can't FIND time, there IS no time. there's no time to wash my clothes or do anything. lied to my therapist on monday. every single time i go she asks if i have suicidal thoughts, and i just flat out said no. but every time i think of how life is right now, i do want to kill myself just so it'll all stop. i'm sick of being exhausted, i'm sick of hating myself and i'm sick of being so awful that I have to hate myself. I'm sick of looking as hideous as i do, i'm sick of having no will power. i'm sick of this stuff with my parents. I know it wont fix anything. it'll make more problems for everyone around me and i know they'd be really upset and stuff... but i'm just so tired of being tired and tired of hating myself.


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