Thursday, March 11, 2004


Check out his post about being a writer.

I'm just going to out and out copy and paste my FB here... because there's no sense in duplicating effort. Not when I'm horribly backed up on work e-mail (working at work!!?? surely ye jest!!).

My husband and I have been reading this blog for a while now, and this is my favorite post. I've been thinking a lot lately about what we "should" do and what we're "good at" and what we're MEANT to do. When I was in fifth grade, I wanted to write novels about adventures and supernatural stuff. Then "the grownups" told me to think about what i'm "good at" and what I "want to do" and "what I can get a job at." I ended up a theatre major (excellent conservatory training--50k of finding out it wasn't where i belonged) and now I'm a systems analyst. The pay rocks... the soul sucking does not. I've been trying to do graduate school for writing, and it's taken me THREE YEARS to realize that this program isn't right for me. I want to write about zombies and spacemen, they want me to write about girls with flower pots. I realized I've been trying to conform to academia's idea of what "good writing" is ("literature!!") and that's not who I am. So, screw them, I dropped out and I'm writing a novel. I'm a basically insecure person, so it's taken me a long time to convince myself I'm not crazy for hating fixing other people's STUPID computer problems, and getting paid next to deal with the incest and politics that is "the performing arts"... it's not my calling, and it's not my passion, and God willing when the manuscript is done, I'll have the nerve to get out that big book and start sending it off to people. Sorry for being a windbag, but this post really touched me. Thanks for being so honest on your site. It's helped me so much in my own soul searching.

The end result is that I feel less pathetic than I did the last few days but I aknowledge the fact that I have no self esteem, nor do I like myself nearly as much as my husband likes me as a person. I've never liked myself, and don't see worthwhile things in myself--only my failings, therefore it's hard for me to fathom that anyone would want to read or publish my work. God bless them, there're 130+ souls out there on my mailing list who read what I write, so hopefully I can have the courage to submit it to publishers and lock my jaw, and take the rejection like a man. (Italian women try to please people far too much, I really need to get out of that cultural habit. I'll justtake my punches in the stomach with a grunt, I hope)

Anyways, i REALLY haveta start doing mail here.


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