Tuesday, October 05, 2004

In the Aldie's Parkinglot

I saw my mother's cousing Donna in the bank (which is right next to Aldi's, to stay on topic). I didn't say hi or anything. I just wasn't in the mood to talk to people I only know marginally well, and she didn't notice me either, so I suppose all is well.

Then I was returning my cart to Aldi's and I saw my grandfather loading his car. I asked him how Nana was doing. Aparently she's not doing too well. Her legs were hurting her so much that she was crying, which can't be good because she has diabetes.

It's amazing, though. She gave up on life, ions ago. She stopped leaving the house back when my mom was a kid. She stopped watching what she was eating. She's had both knees replaced due to chronic arthritis. She left her diabetes go untreated with insulin for around fifteen years, because she doesn't like needles, and she also has a death wish. But she's going to be 80 in January. I think God's trying to tell this woman something.

*KNOCK KNOCK!!* Mary Jane Engel, I'm not done with you yet!

Sigh.

I will have to visit her on Friday when I go to the mall to pick up my jacket that James probably preffers I had not ordered. I feel bad that I don't visit her more often. I still have a lot of guilt that I didn't see my grandfather on my dad's side more often when he was in the nursing home. Even though he was two buses away, and one of those buses only went across the river a few times a day, and I was working evening shifts, I still wish I'd have done more, made some herculian effort to get there. I also wish I'd seen Ray more before he'd died. I saw him only once when he first went into the hospital. Singing at their funerals doesn't quite make up, you know?

TLG

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