Friday, December 31, 2004

Waiting for myself, or Godot, whoever will show up first.

I try to drive the kids places because I know what it's like to wait forever for a ride, or have to walk, or have to stand outside in the extreme cold/heat waiting for a bus that may never come (in this town you have a better chance of Godot crossing your path than the two Oakland buses). I wish I'd have had someone that cared about me, and looked out for me and didn't see me as a burden to their lives, which is the way my parents acted towards me. They never cared if I was clothed properly to wait out in the cold for eons for them, much less care that I was waiting eons for them or public transit or walking in the snow, or whatever. They just didn't give a damn. I want my sibilings know that I give a damn, and that they're worth someone giving a damn about. I want to give them what I wish to God I'd have had growing up.

I guess by giving them a ride I'm somehow symbolically giving myself the ride and damn my parents never gave me. Or something. It's late and I'm very stupid.


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