Monday, March 14, 2005

It's not really as bleak as all that--I'm just a whiney bitch.

Anonyminity makes my head explode less. This is the "problem" with being "involved." Somehow I always end up getting sucked into parish life. I think that's because I'm a stupid sucker who'll do anything for anyone at any point in time (yeah, I know. I'm working on it with my therapist. N-O is one little word seamingly absent from my vocabulary). If you're not involved, you can sit behind a pillar and ignore the crazy people who are just doing their time in the hopes of slipping into heaven on a technicality. I spent an entire summer once sitting behind pillars at daily mass at my home parish. I thought I was pretty good at hiding till the priest said that since I was there every day, I should read or something. I digress. The point is (I think) that if I can't see them, then I can pretend they're not stupid.

I'm an old crochety church lady at heart, I guess. When I lived in Chicago, I'd walk a kind of long way (at least in my mind it was a long way) from Dearborn to Carpenter to go to this one old Polish parish (I REALLY miss the ethnic parishes. They've all but become extinct in the last ten years or so around here) that had a Latin mass every Sunday. Even their English masses were 'old school,' and it was WAY more comfortable for me than going to a parish where everybody's trying to be hip. They were PACKED on sundays too, with families even. So packed that they could do a pancake breakfast like every week (or at least every week that I was there). And it was a beautiful church. I like dark old churches that're crowded with statues and artwork and carvings. That seems more like home to me than the bland white-wash architectural nightmares that've come since the 60's.

I don't blame Vat. II. I blame stupid people making stupid overly emotional interpretations of Vat. II. Have I mentioned lately how much stupid people annoy me? I should have worked on liking stupid people more instead of joining a 12 step program for Lent. Or joined a 12 step program for people addicted to hating stupid, annoying people.

I just kind of want to go to church and be left alone. I dont want people distracting me with their INSANE antics, in the pew or otherwise. I want to just scream out "SANCTUARY! SANCTUARY!" because that's what church is supposed to be, and I feel like these crazy people and their antics are interfering with my right... no NEED... for some peace and quiet in church. Even the incessant talking before and after is driving me slowly mad. I know THEY don't want to pray, but maybe *I* want to sit in silence or pray. I guess their need to talk overrides my desire for quiet. Its just not like when I was a kid, and church was a quiet, peaceful place to be and collect yourself and get ready to face the day/week ahead. I'm not going to stop going; it's far too important to let some stupid people detur me. However, I'm probably going to whine a whole lot about it.

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