Monday, April 11, 2005

It's been like two weeks or something since I've bitched about church

James carried the baptismal font to the back of the church on sunday at Fr's request. I never know what to expect from that guy, so it was another day in the life (on a positive note, however, they put a "handicapped only" sign on the first pew so the fricking non-handicapped people will stop sitting there). There were three baptisms yesterday, which they did at the beginning of mass. In the back of the church. I don't know why. Some day, when I'm supreme ruler of the universe (It'll happen. You'll see.) It will be a requirement in church construction that all new churches have baptistries. Y'know. Instead of shoving the baptismal font off in some corner of a tiny church where it's over crowded and no more than one and a half people can stand around it at the same time.

This church is a shoebox, I'm over it, whatever. The part that made my eyeball bulge out of my head like that gym teacher on Daria was when the lady in the choir who constantly harshes my mellow had a monolog that went something like this:

"Look, they're doing the baptisms in the back of the church. Well, that's different. They've never done it that way before. That's different. They've never done them in the back of the church before. That's different. That's different, them doing it in the back of the church. It's always nice to do something different. Look at that--that's different. That's different..."

Making sure she informed each and every member of the choir of this inDUHvidually. Because, y'know, I would have NEVER NOTICED without her telling me that a) the baptisms were being performed in the back of the church and b) that's different from SOP.

I thought about just getting up and walking out. Mostly because the desire to wrap my fingers around her throat and strangle was mushrooming in exponential and radioactive proportions.

And yes, I'm aware of the fact that I'm a bad person, christian, catholic, etc. I'm completely on top of how I once again fail to embody christian charity and patience. Jesus never slapped Peter around for all the stupid things that came out of his mouth, and let him be pope and everything. So I gotta keep working on it. HOWEVER, hows about SHE start working on not torturing me every fricking week? Too much to ask. I know.


Blogger chewy said...

i'm not catholic as i'm sure the comment i'm about to make will show and i hope as a catholic you won't be offended but couldn't you just smack her ass around then hit the confessional say your hail mary's and our father's and be done with it?

11:26 PM  

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