Saturday, May 07, 2005

Why I will never be a nascar driver

No, it's not my lack of penis. But that's another topic for another time. Ever noticed the complete and total lack of girls driving cars??

The reason I'll totally never ever ever be a nascar driver is the restrictor plate. I don't likes being hindered. Or... restricted. If you will. I wanna go as fast as the road and my sissy-ass four cylander engine will let me.

There wasn't a soul on 28 on the way back to work from lunch, or on my way home. Well, that's not true, there were a few people on my way back to work, but I totally made short work of passing their a$$es and leaving them in the dust. On the way home... wow. There's something theraputic about making the commute in 4 minutes. The same song was on when I left the parking lot as when I hit the off-ramp. It was sweet. And by sweet, I mean totally awesome. I also made it from Gibsonia to work on the other end of creation in 31 minutes. It was sweet as well. And by sweet I mean totally awesome. I get really good gas milage when I do like twice the speed limit. I got an extra 50 miles on my last tank. Hells yeah.

The only thing that would be sweeter (and by sweeter I mean more awesomer) would be not having any stoplights between the nursing home in Gibsonia and work. Oh yeah, and those stupid people that do the speed limit. There aint nothin' wrong with doing 95 in a 55 zone. Nothing.

On a seperate note, I saw the most awesomest blood spray on the on-ramp from Blawnox today. I have no idea whether it was human or beast that kicked the bucket at the top of the ramp, I didn't see a body anywhere, but the blood spray was fantastic. It looked like someone tossed a 95 lb blood-filled water baloon. I don't know who or what got hit, but that's Darwinism. For sure.


Anonymous Spring said...

"On a seperate note, I saw the most awesomest blood spray on the on-ramp from Blawnox today..."

Are you sure it's "on a separate note"? Because I see a connection there, heh.

I try to stay only 5 miles or so over the limit. I'm not adventurous like you. Okay, actually, I just like keeping my insurance rates low. But after reading your fun attitude about fast driving, I'll think a little more fondly about the next asshole that almost runs me off the road, hahaha.

Enjoy the ride!

3:40 PM  

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