Friday, November 04, 2005

I'm ill in some way.

And I don't mean mentally. That is a given.

Lately I've been feeling like crap. I know I haven't been eating all that well--I'm always eating something that's thrown together, or whatever I could grab at the quikee mart on my way to work. I try to do my best, and I don't eat the horriblest things they have, but oh my God, I'd probably kill someone for spaghetti squash right now. One that I didn't have to cut and cook and scrape myself, preferably. Holy shit. I hate white bread to begin with, but if you get one of those peperoni rolls, that's what you're stuck with. I've been picking off most of the bread and eating the meat and cheese. I dont even have time to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Or really the energy. Even waiting for a frozen dinner to heat up is a little much right now. Allz I want is a nice piece of fish and some steamed brocoli without any butter or crap involved. Maybe some rice, maybe not. I hate that now too. I hate pizza, I hate pasta so much I can't even bring myself to eat it if I'm starving. I hate everything that's "in abundance." And cheap. I hate everything that's actually in my budget.

Anyways, my food woes aside, the only thing that's really been making me feel better is soy milk. I'm sure that says something about something. I do have a certain degree of lactose intolerance, so milk-milk and cheese really arn't appealing most of the time, but it's also really the only "food" that I'm not completely and totally in hate with, or at least apathy with. I don't even like candy any more. Which is weird. I think of it being sweet and it's like *eww.*

I'm thinking about lunch today, and I'm thinking... can't I eat something that doesn't taste like anything and doesn't feel weird in my belly?? Like... ping pong balls or something? *sigh*.

I did have a really REALLY good hamburger last night. The bun was repulsive, and I didn't even eat the tomato and lettus, which I'm usually all about. But lately veggies and fruit have been all acidy to me. I could actually taste the beef, which I can't usually do. Milk, eggs and beef taste like nothing to me. Mostly they taste like whatever they're slathered with.

God. I hate food. This is the part that pisses me off. Eating is a chore, so I end up eating something just to not pass out, because I really don't have a sense of being hungry now days, all I know is that I start getting that low blood sugary feeling. Of course, I also have no sense of being full either, so I just kind of hope for the best. I eat then get cranky two hours later because I didn't eat enough and didn't know it. Why does eating take so long? It's like... time I don't have right now. Preparation time aside (which is sad--I really do love to cook)... the actual act of eating takes too long. If I have something I actually have to sit down and eat, like with a fork, that means I have to actually pay attention while I'm eating and can't do homework or work-work. Oh yeah, and I'm so sick of eating meals at my desk or in the car. My car is a sty.

I'm going on vacation in a few weeks. I think I really need it. I'm obviously going nuts.


Blogger HMC said...

Have you tried making meals and freezing them? I used to do that in college. On my "free day", I would cook for the week and freeze the meals to have during the week. When I left in the morning, I put a meal in the fridge to microwave/bake when I got home. Getting at least one balanced meal a day might make the food taste better. I used to eat a lot of fast food in college but now it makes me sick. It's just what you're used to, I guess.

If worse comes to worse, you can quit your job and come to Baltimore. I make a mean broiled salmon and asparagus. =)

2:07 PM  

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