Thursday, November 24, 2005

Somebody hasta feed Tina a lion.

What purpose do Llamas serve? Why do people have farms of them where I am from? Can you use their fur for clothing? Can you drink their milk? Do they taste good? I don't know. Why waste money on land and feed for a large beast (presumably of burden, but I have yet to see a llama pulling a plough) that is going to give you nothing besides love and attention. Screw that, man. Get a dog for that. If you wanna waste land and feed, get a cow. At least you can eat it and wear it.

Or Emus. I have seen Emu farms, I swear to God. Can you eat Emu eggs? I hope to God. I can't believe that people would buy them because they like exotic birds. Get a parakeet!!

I just saw a commercial on tv saying if you're looking for a gentle animal to take up space on your farm, go with an alpaca. UNG? Can you eat an Alpaca?? They're like llamas on special cute drugs, I'll give it that, but what's the purpose? Well, you can do stuff with their fur, and I guess some poor schlub with a red pickup, too much land, and a desire to keep cuddly farm animals because they're tired of watching sheep run around with poop pellits stuck to their fur in winter can raise alpacas for their fur and sell it to idiots in New York that will pay thousands of dollars for it, but would never actually visit an alpaca farm because it smells like sheep poo and they might get buffalo pie on their prada shoes. Hate yuppies.


I went to the zoo today, which was fun, except for the 45 seconds my 4 yr old niece subjected me to this zero population organization's little video and display about how we're killing the earth, bla bla bla that was in the primate house. Look, I like animals. I like nature. But those zero population people piss me off. The good news is, people who don't believe in zero population growth will be the vast majority in a generation or two because the zero population yuppies will fail to breed and end their own existance. There are certain other groups that may become endangered like this in a generation or two. I'll not speak of them here. When did the hippies stop protesting long lines in the lunch room long enough to infultrait the zoo? What the hell. Go smoke something and shut up.

The zoo was cool. far better than the one where I come from, though our aqua zoo is waaaaay better. We even have sharks that we've managed to keep alive for more tha thirty seconds. They should replace the dolphin tho. They have big hideous fish in the tank where the dolphin used to be, as if that would make it better somehow.

My sister in law expressed her frustration at the lack of buffalo. Which I agree is a bummer. They are magnificant animals and they take fantastical craps. We actually took pictures it was so impressive. I told her hey, they're making a bit of a comeback, and that was good. I mean, they wouldn't let you eat them if they were still endangered. Farming is a good thing--we like to breed and perpetuate stuff we eat. We should eat more whales. I betcha you could make a mean tar tar out of a whale. Fucking yuppies would probably eat that shit too.

We had a prarie dog sing to us in it's weird little prarie dog way, I saw some really beautful mexican wolves which scared the crap out of gloria, who's 4. I told her about mommy wolves and baby wolves and how baby wolves play the way her grandmommie's poodles do, by biting and jumping on each other, which she liked. I left out all the alpha male stuff and hunting and things. She'll be five next summer, and then I can ruin her life and traumatize her. Of course, the weird fiberglass cast of the dismembered zebra probably did the job for me. Dude, I thought that was a family park. Holy crap. From like 20 or 30 feet away it looks real.

We had some disgusting hotdogs. I haveta be pretty damned hungry to stomach a hotdog. Normally just the smell of them makes me wanna hork. Which gloria did really well in the car. It was green and stuff. It was special.

I wanted buffalo steaks but we were too exhausted after chasing two little girls around the zoo all day, so we killed a cow and a chicken and had Sonic. Buffalo are among my favoritest animals, and when I was a kid I always made sure I visited the buffalo at our zoo, even though it was at the highest point in the zoo and you had to walk almost straight up this hillside. Which is why I wanted to help some unsuspecting buffalo complete it's circle of life and end up in my tummy as food for me. Hey, it's me or those adorable mexican wolf puppies that Gloria now likes so much.

Ps. I also tricked her into drinking soy milk hahaha. I told her it was "special vanilla milk." She informed me that she "already had that" when she was three. Tricking little kids is fun.

Pss. She also would like everyone to know that "there's no such thing as Vikings." Even though she likes their ships. And their funny little hats.


Blogger HMC said...

You can eat emus. They are supposed to be tasty.

7:31 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home