Thursday, December 01, 2005

Heather mag es nicht, wenn ich German spreche. **

Can't I drink soy milk without getting some kind of tree-hugging lecture on the carton? What the hell happened to pictures of abducted children? Can we get those back?

Now I feel the need to go kill a buffalo just to cleanse the dirty feeling I got by being lectured to by hippies about the evils of fossil fuel, and how I, a person with a two foot by four foot front yard should put up a windmill and use wind power. Even though I live in a city and the only wind we get is what whips between the buildings intermittantly on a really windy day.

Additionally, I hate human cattle. I know it's holiday shopping season, because the fucking cattle are everywhere. You know who you are. You're the idiots who walk down the CENTER of the aisle in a herd in the parking lot, even though you have caused two cars to come to a complete stop because you're too fucking stupid to move to your left or right. Cows.

Possibly just as annoying are the snipers. These are the assholes who see a lady stopping at her minivan with a cart full of bags, and wait for her to put all six bags in the back, close the back, open the front and buckle her squirming toddler in, get in, adjust her hair, pick her nose, wait for the windows to unfog, then pull out... all so you can get her spot. Meanwhile, a line of traffic is backing up in front of you, and the lady who has the spot right up front who ran in for a candy bar can't back the hell up because of the fifteen cars behind you, so that you can get the spot seven cars down from hers. Damned sniping assholes.

I hate people who are offended by the word CHRISTMAS. It's a word, it's a holiday, be happy you have off. Crap, I loved the jewish holidays when I was in high school because THERE WAS NO SCHOOL. BE HAPPY. I especially hate RETAILERS that try to so hard to pretend that there is some holiday called "The Holidays" which is a celebration of winter, love, friendship, giving and spending. Which is all well and good, but I get pissed when they do it to the exclusion of a little holiday called CHRISTMAS. Sure you can have your imaginary holiday called "The Holidays," having more happiness and joy and love and spending in the world is a good thing. I am an evil capitalist, after all. But DAMN. Don't you make all your money off of the evil Christians? It just seems like good customer service to acknowledge their existance, pretend like you're happy for their holiday, then smile and show your pearly whites as you're taking their greenbacks.

Of course, customer service generating more revenue by encouraging customers to return to a particular establishment is an idea that has been lost today. It's why those two over-pierced anorexic assclowns still work at the comic shop in oakland. I'm so sick of people biting the hand that feeds them. Yes, that lady was annoying. But she was a REGULAR customer. You know, one that keeps coming back?? I'm sure you'll be sad when THAT stops because she's tired of people being rude to her.

Here's a hint--pander to the customer, just a little bit. Make 'em feel like you want them there, and care about their wants and needs just as much as you care about their money. Don't insult them because they like a particular book, or try to make them feel like idiots or second class citizens because they are of a particular belief system.

Your place is to serve the customer, assclown. Your place isn't to judge how you feel people deserve to be treated. I know you think, deep down, that you'll "teach" her to be less annoying by being mean to her, or you'll "teach" the christians some lesson, or that it will level out some cosmic playing field because "they were mean for x many decades or centuries, this lady deserves a bad day." You're pathetic. Smile, show your pearly whites and take their money.

Who else has pissed me off today? Well, I still have to go to the gym and grocery shopping, so I'm sure there's still time for more people to piss me off. It's one of those days.

**Heather hates it when I speak German.


Blogger HMC said...

In my defense, I was foreign language abused. My sister is fluent in Russian, German, and French as well as knowing the pigeon-Spanish she learned working at Applebee's. Sometimes she goes on and on in different languages, sometimes even mixtures of different languages and I have no idea what she's talking about. She knows it makes me mad so she'll just go on and on in foreign languages. It makes me want to kill. Her current favorite language happened to be German after she spent that semester in Germany. She's spending the winter in London, thank God. At least she'll come home and speak English to me. =(

7:44 PM  
Blogger TLG said...

eh just pop her one in the nose the next time she so much as says hello in another language. It might not stop her in the future, but you'll feel better in the moment.

8:28 PM  
Blogger HMC said...

But she'll tell on me. =(

7:23 AM  
Blogger TLG said...

hit her again.

You can turn it into a pavlovian thing and thus through negative reinforcement teach your sister who's boss.

11:25 AM  
Blogger HMC said...

She did it to me in e-mail! What's "mehr oder weniger"? Sounds stinky.

2:09 PM  
Blogger TLG said...

"more or less"??

Tell her "ja verpissen sich jetzt, Weibchen"

"Yeah, now fuck off, bitch." Or you can just say "essen Sie mich"

"eat me."

or "Ich liebe Sie, und Sie sind die beste Schwester in der Welt. Nicht."

"I love you and you are the best sister in the world. Not." Hehe.

4:22 PM  
Blogger HMC said...

Link to post saved in favorites folder...

You rock!

6:17 AM  

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