Suicidal Snowflakes

I HAVE MOVED

2006-02-26T21:14:00.000-05:00

Yes, I've moved. I've been looking for something with a few more options than blogger has been providing lately. Namely the ability to keep some posts private and to catagorize posts. So here's my new home:

http://battybeyond.wordpress.com

So go ahead, alert the media, update your bookmarks, celebrate in any way you see fit.

Dear food: go to hell.

2006-02-25T22:02:00.000-05:00

So, I had a kiwi for breakfast. I made real breakfast at like 9am, like oatmeal and stuff, sat down to eat it, and forgot about it. I dont know if that's ADD or just advanced apathy for food. About an hr later, I was thinking to myself... damn. Why am I so hungry? Then I remembered... oh yeah. My food was sitting on the coffee table while I was at the gym, expending callories I had not consumed.

James brought the remainder of his rye bread, so I ate a chunk of that, and just kinda kept drinking water and hoped for the best.

I brought a frozen dinner for lunch (haha) and ate that and a salad I had mercifully forgotten to eat yesterday (notice this food amnesia pattern?) and a handful of candy. That was about 4:30. I'm a little pekish now. By a little, I mean go out and kill a buffalo with my bare hands and eat it raw.

Oh well. I'll just drink more water until I forget I'm hungry and wake up at like 6am ready to gnaw my own leg off.

Keep Your Winky Warm

2006-02-25T19:18:00.000-05:00

Yesterday morning I woke up to a lovely little tale on the radio about how early in the morning, a man had walked into a local conveniance store and asked the clerk if he could heat something up. The clerk gave him permission, and the man began looking at a few items in the store. Shortly thereafter, the clerk thought the contents of the microwave smelled funny. So he opened it. Lo and Behold, wrapped in a napkin was a human penis.

The police were called, the man ran off... the whole thing was on the air shortly thereafter. Left a lot of folks scratching their heads, wondering where the penis came from and what kind of sickness had lead to a man putting it in the microwave?

Turns out that it was a fake penis full of urine.

Not a tough job to fill in the blanks. We all know the story about the guy who takes the drug test and gets called in by the potential employer. He asks if he got the job. The boss says no, but you're pregnant. Yes, there's a black market for drug-free urine.

It's been possible to buy dehydrated urine on the internet for quite a while. Employers doing drug screening became wise to this, and several have made it mandatory to take a urine test in front of someone, so as to ensure that said urine came out of said individual. Shortly after this new trick, it became possible to buy artificial genitalia that not only looked like the real thing, but also had bags attached capable of holding the rehydrated wiz.

So obviously this guy had a job interview/drug test and needed to come up clean when obviously that wasn't his actual state of being and obtained said fake soldier. He reconstituted the stuff, but being the drugged out bum that he is, didn't think to use hot water. Which won't do, because if your aparently real genitals pee luke warm water, either your game is up, or they're going to rush you to the hospital. So he tried to nuke it. In a conveniance store/in public. That isn't so wrong, is it? To want warm internet-wiz?

Of course. That isn't the only explination. I mean, it was very early morning, I can't imagine having an interview or drug test that early, or being silly enough to think your nuked pee would stay warm until the place opened for business for the day. I mean... that's just a way-crazy chain of events, you know??

It's just easier to take the simplest rout. Isn't it just possible that, it being so early in the morning, the guy just wanted a nice steaming cup of piss?

See, I'm loveable, bitches.

2006-02-24T23:46:00.000-05:00

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out.
Your heart is open to where ever love takes you!

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out

Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking

What turns you off: fighting and conflict

Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Who are any of us?

2006-02-23T20:52:00.000-05:00

Many of us spend a good portion of our lives comparing ourselves to others, comparing how we see ourselves to how others must surely see us, comparing their reactions of our actions to the intentions of our actions. Usually we fall short in our own eyes of our expectations of ourselves. We can expect less from others, but from ourselves... well, we just KNOW better.

We know who we want to be--nicer, kinder, smarter, faster... a bunch of qualified adjectives that we'll never live up to. If I'm kinder today than I was yesterday, I'm still less kind than I could be. I'm still less kind than that guy over there, and if I become kinder, there's still some theoretical person out there who is kinder than I am. I am inadequate.

I think even for the bravado of the arrogent bastard sitting in the cubicle next to you that you'd like to run through the hand-cracked wringer on your grandmother's oldfashioned open-basin Maytag washing machine, he's still unsure of himself. He still senses he's less than he could or should be.

Are we who we should be? Who is that? Is that the person we long to be, or fear to be? Is it the person tied down by hurt or anger or our past that we see when we look in the mirror? Is it the happier, freer person we were in our childhood, that brief blink of an eye before the world's troubles piled up on us.... maybe when we were four or five? They say that children are wise; there is often a certain simple depth to the things they spout so freely. Perhaps that is the pinical of our being. We may grow smarter, but are we ever truely wiser? We may grow up and older, but are we growing, if we gradually stoop under the weight of the world?

Life weighs us down. It gives us the opportunities and tools to become who we should be. It also gives us our greatest obsticals. And even if we come out on the other side, what of all the places we paused in between? The people we've hurt, the relationships we've convoluted.

We were sitting in a funeral service today. A small room had been set up with a podium, some flowers and photos. The service had spilled out of the small room and into the larger ajoining rooms, and there were people standing to the sides. The mother of the deceased kept rather composed as she spoke of her son. I hadn't know him; he'd been a supervisor of James at work. Friends and family shared memories of his humor and cheer, his good will and intentions, his woodworking and how he enjoyed simple pleasures like drinking coffee on his porch in the morning, and I tried to remember if this was the supervisor James always complained about, or the one he liked. Funerals are for the living, you see, and even if he'd been totally reprehensable, we'd have gone out of respect for a mother who had outlived her son. Inconsequently, I remembered much later that it wasn't the one that he complained about, though I still can't seem to recall his exact feelings on the matter.

A friend of the deceased spoke, and even though they were just friends, I could tell they really were two connected souls just from what she said. I did become a bit sad for the missed opportunity--the fellow had had two previous failed marriages, and probably hadn't even known that this girl was 'the one' when he took his own life. Depression clouds over many things, our perception of the world, our perception of the world's perception of us. Our own vision of who we think we are and how we measure up. But that's another post for another time.

I've been to funerals for family members my fair share of times. I remember the stifiling warmth, the low voices, the sad smiles and the chuckled-over tales. Most are the "highlights" of the person's life. Others are low-lights that are now humerous anticdotes. All of our twisted relationship baggage to that long-gone situation is released, at least for that moment. Character flaws that annoyed us to no end just last week are suddenly exhaulted strengths, or personality quirks to be smiled at fondly. It can be jading when you think back to how your mother has bitched for years about so-and-so's habit of doing such-and-such, and how she saw it as being spiteful or interpreted it as a personal attack, but suddenly that person is now a saint!

The deceased left a lengthy note, part of which stated that he felt that there was no love in his life. Sitting in the overflowing rooms, I got a sense that he didn't percieve his life as it actually was. Perhaps those stories laundered by time and distance are the reality of our life. Perhaps there is something deep within us that we're capable of recognising in each other, something that lets us see past flaws and agonies, no matter how deep the gordge or the scars they've left.

The comforting stories, the good character traits, the positive spin on the less-than-ideal traits, that may be the real us. Not us who we were, deep down, but who we meant to be, who we were meant to be, and the potential that others saw within us.

It's a shame we need distance and death to help us remember what we saw in those times when we glanced, out of the corner of our eye, each other's souls.

ACLU Seeks Apology From NASCAR, Daytona 500 Winner

2006-02-22T19:45:00.000-05:00

AP (Florida) In a press conference today, a spokesperson for the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) asked for an apology both from NASCAR and race car driver Jimmie Johnson. After winning the prestigious Daytona 500 race, Jimmie Johnson declared from the winners' podium that "this is for all the hater."

ACLU representatives maintain that the use of the term "haters" is a serious abuse of the urban vocabulary and is "found to be particularly insulting coming from a southern white male involved in a sport enjoyed primarily by rednecks and Caucasian minivan-driving suburbanites."

NASCAR executives released a statement early Tuesday night, declaring that at the time of Jimmie Johnson's podium announcement, the term "hater" was not under copyright. NASCAR has since begun work to secure the rights to the term, thus eliminating any future problems that may arise by the use of the term "hater."

Representatives for Mr. Johnson and Lowes Racing have stated that they were unaware of any efforts to copyright the term by NASCAR, Inc. In a separate statement issued early Wednesday morning, Mr. Johnson regretted any confusion or inconvenience the use of a word thought to be "an obvious urban expression," but states that "people who pee off their front porch have just as much right to any word listed in the New Oxford English Dictionary as anybody else, including people who deal drugs from theirs. 'Course, it'll be moot if NASCAR owns the word, then, now won't it?"

Attempts to contact the ACLU for a reaction to these comments have been, at the time of this printing, unsuccessful.

To Joel Late': Remedes for the Flu

2006-02-22T15:48:00.000-05:00

Dude, you got offline before I could tell ya...

Minty stuff seems to help tummy problems. Gingeraile with mint is aces. No milk, no caffine, plenty of fluids... herbal tea is helpful...

I also absolutely swear by Airborn. It's that herbal stuff you drop in the water, it fizzes and you drink it... $5 a bottle, but I SWEAR... if I take that as I get sick and while I'm sick, I am not AS sick or as long.

I had to buy the plebian underpants

2006-02-22T03:23:00.000-05:00

yes, the time came, I had to start replacing the cute underpants because aparently they only have a half-life of about two years, and my underpants have long-since reached their half-life.

Yeah. I know. Where the hell would I be without womens' magazines telling me when my underpants are expired?

Not the point. The point is... I paid like $18 a pair for those underpants and they were cute, damnit. So when they got all snaggly and such half-lifed, I found myself to be in a position of having to replace my underpants. Only, I don't want to spend $18 on underpants any more. Well, I do. I want $18 underpants. I want their soft softness to caress my tushy as I get anally raped by various individuals throughout the course of my day. But I'm married and in school now, and while $18 underpants would be yummy, they're a bit out of my price range.

So I *gulp* marched myself towards my doom down the center aisle of Walmart, into the socks and underpants section and belabored picking out a pack of Hanes slouch socks that I felt would keep my ankles moderately warm when I'm outside jogging so slowly a slug could pass me by in the thin disparagingly cold air and slipping on the un-shoveled walks in the dead of winter. Warm ankles are important in these circumstances. Especially when you're ass is freezing cold from slapping the pavement at 43 mph (terminal velocity for an ass dropping from ass-height to the ground in the middle of winter as my legs fly out from under me).

Ahh yes, my ass.

And instead of being caressed by the $18 underpants, they will henceforth be cushioned three days a week by cotton tighty whities (actually I bought the cute pinky ones, which cost me like a whole extra buck--bastards) from the nice people at Hanes who make afordable underpants for the masses and their cold asses.

I hope they're soft. Like jersey sheets are. They're not silk sheets, but they're their own type of squishy. And then I can pretend they're $18 underpants.

*WAAAA*

I miss my elitist underwear already!

I've got the gunk. Or possibly the plague.

2006-02-20T22:39:00.000-05:00

I'm going to choose to think I had no umf today because I got up at least two hours early every day last week, and four hours early yesterday. I meant to exercise, really. But sleeping in and the couch were so good. And it aint even a c omfy couch. I watched an enjoyable movie today too. "Something The Lord Made," I think it was called. Alan Rickman and Mos Def. Everybody likes Mos Def, right? Cuz that's a cool name.

So, hopefully I'm just tired and not getting the gunk again.

Mmm... Nothing else to report now, I don't think. Well, stuff happened, but I'm kinda too tired and scatterbrained to think of anything coherant to say.

Tony Stewart, are you on drugs?

2006-02-19T18:08:00.000-05:00

I just watched Tony Stewart screw a driver for the fifth or sixth time today. This is the first race of the season, and he won the cup last year, and now he just looks like shit. The nice thing about NASCAR is that it's much more gentlemanly than other sports. Nothing like basketball players running into the stands to beat on people. If you even swear on the radio you get penalied. No one rushing the mound, no one cracking anyone else over the hands intentionally with a hockey stick. Some folks ding each other and act stupid, they get in trouble. And so far Tony's gotten his knuckles rapped a few times. Unfortunately everyone who retaliates gets thunked on the head with the ruler. Like, da hell, man? Tony was an ass in 2003 to everyone when he won, and last year he really did seem to be better. Now he's back to assitude. Dude, if you're a bad monkey, apologize. Say he's sorry, it was my fault, bla bla bla.

Ook, the race is over... Tony Stewart is back to being an ass in my book. The whole 'he started it, but I finished it" with the arrogent little smirk. Oh shut up. I was almost ready to stop hating him, because really he IS a good driver. But really. We can all do without the attitude and the "dick" element. Geeze.

They do love me.

2006-02-19T01:15:00.000-05:00

James and Full-bodied Joel replaced the battery on my laptop. Not sure which one I should kiss. Of course, I'll be all YAAY!!! at being mobile again until I see the bill. Wonder where the old battery is. I want the stupid little foot off of it. This laptop has been missing a foot since like the first week we had it. Anyways, sweetness shall reign once more in my life as mobility is returned. New HD, new battery... now all I need to do is get a magic marker out and write in all the letters that're missing. Most are mostly gone or are completely gone. Q, T, Y, U, P, G, J, Z, X and V are the only ones completely there. E, I, A, S, D, F, H, L, C and N are completely gone. W, O K, B and M are getting there. Nothing a magic marker can't cure. It bugs James of course. He can't see to peck. But I still lerb him, even if he cant' type without looking. Anyways, my spine is sad. So I'm going to go to sleep.

NASCAR Sunday Sunday Sunday!

2006-02-18T16:25:00.000-05:00

I have a feeling I'm going to fall asleep five minutes after Daytona starts tomorrow. I've gotten up uber early every day this week, including today, and I'm just completely pooped out. Then I gotta get up like really fricking early for church tomorrow. And it's not even like *shaking fists* You'd better appreciate how freaking early I got up today, God! No. It's more like... *shaking fists* You'd better appreciate how early I got up today, Choir Director!

Which is a shame. Because I bought chicken strips and everything.

Mmm. Chicken.

[completely haven't had my ADD meds today, can't you tell?]

Some of the folks I went to high school with have little kids, and I see their chubby little faces sticking out of carts at the grocery store, and my first reaction is awwwwww.... My second is... y'know, ya aint getting any younger... the third is... HOLY CRAP. I COULD NEVER HANDLE KIDS!!! I COULD NEVER HANDLE BEING EVEN MORE TIRED THAN I AM NOW!!! (Yes, yes, we do what we need to when the time comes, survival instinct is necessary for the perpetuation of the speciec, bla bla bla, but never say that to a tired woman).

Of course... I have a similar reaction when I see the kitties that live in the house at the end of the street. They have two identical white/tan cats, a grey cat, a black and white cat, and a tan cat... at least two dogs... every day when I drive by there's usually at least one in the window. If there is, I know it's gunna be a good day. Find a penny, pick it up. And if there's two in the window, that's really special. Sometimes, I'll drive by and there's one sitting up, another laying down, and a third with it's head on the second one's butt. It's picturesque and stuff.

[I'd like to take this opportunity to say... MY LITTLE PONY AND ME!!!!!!!--need my meds]

I saw the one that's white and black today, he's so thin and little. I don't know if he's a kitten, or just petite, and I thought awww... I want an animal soooo bad. Why do I want one? That's like... more work. And I always try to check my desire to want things for the sake of wanting them... and I decided, it's not like wanting a bigger shinier TV, it's like... wanting more love in the home. And kitties give love. And then I was like... wait... that's what kids're for.

And then I paniced again. OH MY GOD, I CAN'T HANDLE A KID! I want a cat because I can't handle a kid! I'm so selfish, I just wanna have my own life, and not worry about someone else all the time... I'm such a horrible person for only wanting to do what I want to do all the time! I can't have my time interrupted from now until someone's 18, and never have a quiet moment ever again! I can't handle getting up early and getting grocery shopping done, and getting my chores done and working. I can't imagine being responsible for someone and working. And the cost of childcare! Oh god, I'll be one of those people that puts my kid in daycare and doesn't see them 12 hrs a day, then they're sleeping for 8, and I'm spending an hour in the morning and at night fighting with them to get dressed and get bathed and put their toys away... Holy crap, my job would NEVER be understanding if I had to take off because a kid was sick... shit, I don't even know how they'd feel about maternity leave. I can't afford maternity leave! I can't work and have someone who needs all kinds of taking care of and SUPERVISION!!! And will just keep wanting STUFF, and whining and crying all the time when I have a headache!! OH MY GOD. 18 years of WHINING while I have a headache!! Constant misary! That's hell! I don't care about that 'love they have to give,' shit! What about the heartache, and the not listening to me, and going off and ruining their lives with some guy who can't even hack community college...

All of this was going on in the half block from the kitty house to the stop sign closer to my end of the street. I stopped and made myself take a deep breath. I'm tired, because I am working full time and going to school. School won't last forever. It feels like it, but it won't. And I'll eventually get a full night's sleep. Eventually.

Do not adjust the dial. It's really purple.

2006-02-16T21:43:00.000-05:00

A post all about my hair--and my hair is worthy of a post or two. I finally broke down and dyed it. It's actually more of a dark purple with a lot of blue under it, which you really can't see too well under the lights here.

Don't say I never gave ya nuffin.

2006-02-16T21:41:00.000-05:00

Ok, so there're now a few pictures of me on the internet. It looks better when I iron it out straight and put gook in it so it doesn' t lay so flat on top. Alas.

2006-02-16T21:39:00.000-05:00

Holy crap, it's my nana!

It's true. So true.

2006-02-16T21:30:00.000-05:00

Dick Cheney should run for president. "If he's willing to shoot his friends, think of what he'd do to Al Queda!"

Ok, so you can tell I haven't taken my antidepressants today.

2006-02-16T16:49:00.000-05:00

This is just a thought...

The size of the average American has gone up significantly in the last thirty to fifty years.

The size of the ideal American has gone down significantly in the last thirty to fifty years.

What amazing dissonance. In either case, what are we hiding fromo within ourselves? What are we trying to sate, appease or ignore? The self-loathing contained within the boarders of this country is almost palatable.

My little meat stick

2006-02-15T23:31:00.000-05:00

My Little Pony,
you'd make great balogni
to eat with my Rice-a-roni.
My Little Pony.

And me.

Excuses, excuses...

2006-02-14T20:31:00.000-05:00

Why I'm Behind In School
a list by TLG

A week of overnights. I think I dislodged the cotton in my brain doing that shift
A week of being completely and utterly exhausted/migranes
A weekend of trying to catch up on all the things I didn't do for two weeks because of that shift, only it was tough because of continued exhaustion and migranes
Poodles.
Still mostly exhausted and fully migraned
The Superbowl
My st00pid laptop kicking the bucket and needing massaged and recussitated for almost a full week.
...and horses.

No, really. My eyeballs are bleeding.

2006-02-14T20:14:00.000-05:00

Ok, they just feel like if they burst and let a lot of blood out that everything will feel better in my eyeballs and in my brain. MASSIVE headache again. It's like one step forward, two steps back with the headache/exhaustion thingy. Maybe it's time to *gulp* call the doctor.

I was a bit exhausted this afternoon but didn't need a nap (score!), so that's progress at least. I actually ran for a full 30 min. I figured I'd make it like 15, being as down and out physically as I have been. When I came home everything just got tired and achy. Not like "oh holy crap, I feel like I've never been jogging before," and not exactly like "... mmm... Benydril sprinkles on my icecream," though that's how tired I've been this last week--like I'm doped up on Benydril. This is like... hm.. You know when you're dreaming, and you wake up suddenly? And nothing works, cuz that's your brain's way of keeping you from killing yourself when you're dreaming about being chased by garbage monsters? Yeah. Like that. Heavy, but your muscles arn't tense, and like moving is just not something you're capable of. So I spent a quality hour or so on the couch, contemplating my doom. And reading Stargate fan fiction. Shutup. Leave me alone. I'm sure you have a dirty little secret.

Oh well. I have an appt with the chiropractor tomorrow, I'll see what she says. I have an appt with the shrink on Thursday, I'll see what he says. If I'm still craptacular on Friday, I'll go to my crappy PCP who will no doubt throw painkillers and who knows what else at the problem and probably reccomend physical therapy. Maybe I need to find an accupuncturist. That'd be cool.

So... what do you think of me?

2006-02-14T17:40:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm actually asking :)

Down once more to the dungeon of my black dispair

2006-02-14T01:01:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm bwoken. Usually I judge my depression level by how often I listen to The Phantom of the Opera soundtrack. But my relationship with it has been... kinda strangely cheerful lately. That's mest up. Usually I can't stand most fanfic, but I widdled away a huge chunk of the day reading phantom fanfic and... *cough* Stargate SG1 fanfic. Mostly oh jack! oh sam! but I digress. I don't know if I'm actually more depressed than usual. I don't feel like it. Usually depressed is "I hate myself and I wanna die" but I'm kind of neutral lately. But I certainly have all the symptoms. Lack of appetite (my meals were at 7am, 3pm, 11pm today, so y'know, I only eat when I'm grumpy as all hell, not cuz I'm actually hungry), complete and total exhaustion (I've made it through ONE day this week without a nap, but it doesn't count because I went to bed at 9pm), reading fanfic, not working as hard on my homework... oh well. Chocolate cake will always love me.

I'm like really with it.

2006-02-13T08:10:00.000-05:00

I konked out at about 9 last night and woke up at 6. Layed in bed till 7, then got up and got some grub, then promptly flopped down on the couch. I heard from a friend I haven't heard from in ages. She's all married and stuff. Yes, I have one or two female friends, tough as that might be to imagine. My mom called and said I didn't have to go to my grandparents' thing tonight because my grandfather doesn't even want to go. This is, of course, the first I've heard of it. Mom says grandpap doesn't even want to go. This is a renewal of their vows, so that hasta require some sort of pre-planning. I know SHE didn't do it. So if HE didn't do it, then it had to be Linda. Linda... dear sweet Linda who threw a shower for me against my wishes and will. I kind of want to go just to see him go psycho on her.

...And horses

2006-02-12T19:22:00.000-05:00

Joel said my mom seems saner. Either she is actually improving or she's just getting better with hiding it in front of others.

Church was interesting. World Marriage Day is always a good time to talk about STD's and pregnancy rates among twelve year olds. I guess. Fr. John is 3 months away from retirement. He just says stuff now-a-days, bless his little comb-over.

I made it all the way through yesterday without a nap. I'm ready to die right now. In honor of that I'm going to take a nap. Got James a Build-a-bear with a Steelers/Superbowl sweat shirt.

I wanna GOMF* button.

2006-02-11T22:09:00.000-05:00

Like, uh, when mom calls and eats food in my ear and has nothing to say but won't hang up. Heck, when ANYONE calls me and has nothing to say but wont hang up. Then makes me feel guilty for saying I have something to do, gotta go, beep beep VMOOM.

Oh yeah, and stupid people. They should get GOMPed. A lot.

*GET OFF MY PHONE

Whatchmakallit

2006-02-11T15:35:00.000-05:00

I have been sleeping like 6-7 hrs at night and 7-8 hrs during the day. It's nuts. I'm ok for about 4 hrs then I need a 5-7 hr nap. I could crawl right into bed and not get up until tomorrow morning. I worked a whopping 3.5 hrs yesterday and I am going to try to make it a record 6 hrs tonight.

I wish I was sick for real, like coughing and horking up a lung and such. This whole half-assed sick shit is just not working out. And it's droning on and on and on. Everything feels like the middle of the night.

Maybe it's the plague. Maybe it's Mono. Maybe it's real, honest-to-gosh exhaustion. Not the "breast implant" kind or "treatment for an eating disorder" kind. Like, real exhaustion.

Of course, I've been tired before, and I've had rough months (see November) where I not only worked from the time I got up to the time I went to bed, and it would take me a few days of massive naps and vegitation to recover, but nothing like this. And I've worked hard since this term started, but NOTHING compared to last term. I wonder what the freaking deal is.

Maybe I need to get boobie surgery to feel better.

SO unfortunate.

2006-02-10T21:59:00.000-05:00

Where do I even start? First of all, the hair is weird. It looks weird and plastic and fake, like the hair on a fake barbie doll.

Second of all, too much plastic surgery. Madonna's eyes are now weird and frog-like and she is possibly wearing more eye makeup than Hillary Duffy. Which is difficult. Her skin and hair and the rest of her makeup are all the same damned color, and she washes out.

But is a complete contrast to herblackand white outfit, which makes her look like one of those deranged maniquins at JC Penny that's kind of a characture of a person, all one color with weird beviled hair.

The Xena top outfit isn't workingfor her. She doesn't have Xena's boobies now that she's an anorexic over-excercized cow. Those bracelets only further stand to accentuate the unfortunate mess that is her lower arms, Xena's skirt was cooler, it was leather and it layed nicer.

And what the hell's going on with the boots? Are they really high boots? Or are her tights the same material asthe boots, and so it looks like one piece? If you only look from the bottom of the skirt down, she looks like the wicked witch of something or other. It's freaky. Madonna, eat food, please. Also, you're too freaking old to run around wearing clothes that looked good yet slutty on you twenty years ago. It's ok to get old, hon. It's ok to wear clothes that flatter your now-aging (and preferably wiser) body. It's not OK to wear clothes that only make your saggy old lady boobies look even more saggy and old lady-ish than they might already be. It's not OK to wear clothes that're going to show off your sad old-lady upper arms. Eat a hamburger andn buy something with sleeves.

Beer o' clock and other add-in transgressions.

2006-02-10T02:44:00.000-05:00

I had like three hours of coherance today in which I downloaded like fifteen add-ins for Firefox, including the beer-o-clock meter. That has nothing to do with anything, I just thought it was fun to do. I also have pong down at the bottom of my browser. I can't figure out how to make the stupid paddle to work tho. So till then, it's gunna be stupid.

James should stop singing the theme from loveboat. He's been doing it for like two days. It just makes me think of Hugh Jackman singing Oh What a Beautiful Morning! From OKLAHOMA! when he does. I guess cuz James is tall and has weird sideburns right now. That wasn't Judd's knife that Judd fell upon at the end of OKLAHOMA!, It was Wolverine's shnickidy schnick claws. I just thought I should share that. It's in my cube at work. I should watch it tomorrow night. Poor Judd is dead a candle lights his head... and stuff. Oh, the farmers and the cowboys should be friends. That's a life a lesson that wovlie and yee olde anal-retentive cyclops should take with them when they're fighting over the memory of dead dead Jean Grey. who is, once again, dead. again. and stuff.

BTW, if Cyborg does not say BOO YAH!! Next week on smallville, we're gunna go schnikky shnick shnick waaaa jedi and crawl into paw kent's deceased carcass for warmth next week. That's cold. Hoth cold. Triple Nerd Score.

Indeed, Daniel Jackson.

I've decided to name my first-born that. This way he can go by I. DanielJackson Garrison. Hallowed are the Ori. Not to be confused with Moral Oral, who is not hallowed at all. Though that episode where he was all hopped on crack was pretty funny. Schnikidy snoogans Schnick.

I should go to bed. I'm not well.

...and horses.

To call off work, or not to call off work? That is the question.

2006-02-09T11:45:00.000-05:00

I feel loads better than yesterday. I wouldn't really call it feeling like death, so much as being asleep, and being tired in your dreams too. Oh yeah and my head felt like it was going to explode. My head still aches and I'm whipped, but I could probably hold on. But you know something? I kinda dont wanna. I'd just be miserable. Well. I have like three hrs to make up my mind. I guess.

Give in to the Kate and Leopold.

2006-02-09T11:18:00.000-05:00

Ok. So this is like the second time I've watched this movie, and I can still stand watching it. Usually I can only stand to watch stuff once. I don't have much time, and if I have time to invest in something once, that's a monumental achievement. I'll blame it on me being sick. Because I really don't even like romantic comedy movies all that much. So, I guess I should just give in and buy it at Walmart. I guess, deep down, I'm just a sucker for a goofy time-travel movie featuring Wolverine. Or something.

I wanna riot too?

2006-02-09T08:11:00.000-05:00

Four people (so far) have died in Afghanistan due to the riots/protests going on over the twelve cartoons published in a Denmark newspaper. The cartoons have been called 'racist' and an affront to the Islamic religion (of course, if Islam is an international faith, I'm not sure how it can be considered 'racist,' but hey, what the hell do I know?).
aq
Here's where the disconnect happens. Remember The Last Temptation of Christ, or Dogma? The letter campeigns, editorials and occational peaceful protest went away fairly quickly, and they're a but a footnote in history, labled with "watch as your own perril" or completely denounced by most Christian groups. Where were the riots? Where were the riots? Of course, there were decrees that the movie was an affront to Christianity, and a slap in the face to tghe faithful, but where was the part where everybody cared as much as the world seems to care about the hurt feelings of Mulims?

For that matter, how come no one was killed when the Steelers won the Superbowl? There were some firecrackers, the obligatory banging on pots and pans, and that one guy who got icewater dumped all over him, but property damage was largely relegated to one burning couch and a few knocked over garbage cans. And there's ALWAYS a couch on fire in Oakland somewhere, so it's not like this is a new occourance. In other places, people get killed when the local team wins the Superbowl or a Cup game of some kind.

Maybe we just dont care as much as everybody else. Maybe we're missing that passion that lets us act on our beliefs. We might whine and piss and moan when we don't get our way, but at the end of the day, everybody gets in their car and goes home, instead of going home in a body bag.

The softness is the lard. And bacon grease.

2006-02-05T23:08:00.000-05:00

Yeah... the steeler cookie thing. I have this big 12 inch round chocolate chip cookie with the steeler's logo in icing. We bought it Saturday, and I figured it'd be at least kinda hard on the outside, especially since we didn't bust into it till AFTER the game... but even the edges were moist. that's how you know that a two inch square piece is 400 calories. WITHOUT the icing. The lard is the goodness, I tell you.

My Steelers cookie can beat up your Seattle's Best.

2006-02-05T22:54:00.000-05:00

I was over a friend's house for the game, but I didn't get to see most of it. You see, every time I actually *watch* the game, the Steelers do el stinko. The first half of the first quarter?? That was Joel trying to convince me that I am not a jinx, and if I left the room, he threatened to sic Eric on me. But finally I just couldn't take it any more. I sat there, but I refused to look at the place from the moment I saw them setting up until all the screaming and rumbling died down in Kristin's living room. That touchdown they got later in the game? That was when we thought Joel was the jinx because every time he was in the kitchen, the Steelers scored. So I dared watch. And I dared watch the extra point attempt. So, after that, it was no more play-watching for me. I spent a lot of time staring at the carpet, or with my fingers covering my eyes. I do what I havta for my team.

Oh yeah.... and my laptop died today. I guess it was either sacrifice my data, or sacrifice a chicken. While the laptop is regretable because it's an expensive replacement, it's less messy to clean up than the chicken.

2006-02-03T23:55:00.000-05:00

What kind of a sick person makes Ben Rothlesberger gingerbread cookies? Eating it seemed like bad luck, somehow. But I like gingerbread (all things ginger, really), so I ate it anyways. Hope my ginger-indiscretion doesn't destroy our hopes of one for the thumb.

2006-02-03T23:53:00.000-05:00

It's not vudoo, I swear.

Nuk-u-lear-ated hotdogs on generic white bread

2006-02-03T22:13:00.000-05:00

Ok, so when I say it like that, I kinda wanna puke. I ate a lot of the above with katchup as a kid. Not by choice, mind you. But we wuz rilly poe. The white bread was a treat. And it was like a gourmet spread when there was mustard and relish. Relish was like the holy grail of condoments when I was a kid.

But when we lived in CT and in the Poconos, we were so fricking poor, it was mostly cheapass non-koscher hotdogs with burnt popcorn like every fricking day. Peanut butter was more expensive than a 99 cent package of sixteen yucky chicken/pork/beef "product" hotdogs. Shudder. T0 this day, the smell of those kind of hotdogs and popcorn make me nauseous. Consequently, this is the kind they have rolling on those mini-mart hotdog heater-upper thingies next to the glass popcorn machine near the health and beauty aisles in Walmart.

I start thinking about shriveled and exploded hotdogs slathered in katchup and I gag. The meat smell and the gagging reminds me of when I was in college and I was working in the school's theater down town, and there was a small family-owned taco shop right next door. The place always had a funny smell coming from it, the kind of smell that makes you think of cow stomachs and sheep intestines, and not in a haggasy sort of way. Yes, I just used haggas as an adjective. The smell was especially pungent when there was humidity in the air, like fall nights and spring mornings. The smell was most intense when I'd arrive in the morning. It didn't matter whether I had an empty or full stomach, my mouth would start watering in that unpleasent "about to puke" sort of way, and I'd spend the entire morning waiting for the horking to start.

Anyways..

I only bring this up because Ted asked tonight if I minded eating hotdogs with bread instead of buns. I told him YES, I minded, and I refused to eat hotdogs with someone who didn't have buns.

Naw, really. Over-processed, slightly mushy white bread is over-processed, slightly mushy white bread, whether it's in the form of a slice or a bun. I've spent my whole life "making do" with slices of bread when everyone else would have had buns and popcorn when everyone else would have had chips and katchup when I wanted mustard and relish. I think I can handle a slice of white bread without having a nervous breakdown.

The Unbeatable 'Hoff.

2006-02-02T22:40:00.000-05:00

I will never understand why David Hasselhoff doesn't have a singing career in the US.

Whitecastle is ROXOR!!11oneoneone

2006-02-02T06:52:00.000-05:00

Not only do they have yummy burgerettes, but Whitecastle is also sponsoring SAVE THE DAY, which is a campeign to make the day after the superbowl a national holiday, thereby aleviating the problem of 1.4 million Americans calling in sick the day after the big game.

It was like Christmas, but with ambulances

2006-02-01T23:47:00.000-05:00

Before I left to run to the library to pick up my textbook (No way in hell I'm buying a book on Cascading Style Sheets that I only need for two weeks), I plugged in my Christmas lights. The little bastards are still up, so I'm going to enjoy them.

Driving toward home, I almost took the back road. There's nothing wrong with it, persay. But it's a 10 minute drive instead of 5. But in traffic it can save time, or at least a headache. And there're pretty trees and stuff. But when it's dark, it's a little tough to see where to turn, because they have no street lights, back away from civilization like that, and it's getting more populated back there, so you can't drive with your brights on. It's the worst of two worlds. I can find my way out to the library in the dark, but not back. So despite that nagging little voice that told me "you really WANT to go the back way!!" I got on the highway.

I turned the bend that is the entrance ramp (then we wonder why no one can merge. It's geographically impossible to do it in this town in a manner that doesn't involve turning yield into a french word meaning stop), and before I could even see the highway, I saw a flickering red glow hanging in the misty air, like around the holidays. At the highway, I see almost a dozen emergency vehicles with new-fangled high-intensity flashing lights brightening the place up like an over-achiever's lawn at Christmastime.

Don'tcha know it, 30 MPH for over a mile. The carnage was insane. There was this one SUV with it's ass crinkled up like my Focus the time that lady in the truck hit us. There's a smaller car in a ditch, covered with tarp (which means they're getting out the jaws of life), and quarter of a mile up the road is this minivan with it's hazard lights on, blinking alone in the dark, away from all the lit-up emergency trucks and vans, it's rear tires blown.

When I came home, I left the Christmas lights on.

I only believe in global warming if both chicks are hot.

2006-02-01T03:19:00.000-05:00

Yeah.

I actually had someone ask me today if I'd eat my cat, because I was talking about how I just needed to eat some cow last night (PMS--only cure is cow and chocolate, for some reason). DUDE. First of all, I love my cat, and I held him and cried and cried and cried when we put him down. Would I eat my cat? Depends. If I was hungry enough. Cuz shit--he was a fat little fucker, but it wasn't like he had tons of meat on his bones (why do people eat frogs? Seems like so much work for so very little. And for something that tastes like chicken at that). I'd probably cry first too. Fortunately I live in a land of plenty where I don't have to get personal with the cow who is completeing his circle of life on my dinner plate.

I dont think we should be cruel to animals just so we can eat them. And lets face it, genetically altered chickens (the ones they do crazy shit to so they can have more breast meat) taste funny. I think we've kind of lost our connectedness to that particular circle of life. It makes it very easy for us to tp not care about the habitat and life of the slab of meat under plastic wrap and styrophome in the store. It also makes it very easy for us to demonize people who eat meat and the ranchers who produce meat. Killing and cleaning animals is pretty unattractive to most folks now-a-days. When I was a kid, my grandmother told me that growing up, her family had chickens in the back yard, and when it was time for a chicken dinner, she'd catch it and chop it's head off, I was shocked. I couldn't imagine doing that. Of course, I had only recently discovered that "chicken" and "fish" wern't just clever names given to food--they were, indeed, chickens and fishies.

I think, perhaps, being that "involved" with our food is a healthy part of life that we're missing. Even having to go to the marketplace and get all the ingrediants for dinner, asking for a particular cut from an animal and picking out each fruit and vegitable is more involved than we are now days. I like to cook, but mostly it's frozen dinners or things with pre-made parts since I'm in dread-grad school. But I don't even interract with my food sofaras chopping it up, much less adding each ingrediant from scratch to make it, or killing or cleaning it.

Besides the big portions and fatty processed crap devoid of nutritional content that we eat here, I think that the lack of interraction and lack of hand in the preparation of our food might be a good bit of the health problem in this country. It's too easy, we're too removed from it. We don't have to work very hard on it, but we get the instant reward.

Supid people are dumb. Or: Grammar is my life.

2006-02-01T02:16:00.000-05:00

Yeah, both would be great on t-shirts. But really... why is it so difficult, in official communications, to use decent grammar. I'm not even saying good grammar. I won't say anything about "they" instead of "he or she" (I think in about ten years, "they" will go from "mostly wrong, but kinda ok" to "A-OK! Buddy Jesus Thumbs Up!"--another language battle lost to time). But the completely wrong use of "I" and "me" as the object of sentences makes me crazy. Nails down the chalkboard crazy. Sure I do it when I'm being informal in AIM and even on here (Me an' Mary totally went to the mall), but at least I try to make it completely obvious that I'm just messin' around. I wouldn't do it in an official communication at work or some other formal situation like that. Dude... WHAT IS SO EFFING HARD ABOUT SPEAKING CORRECT ENGLISH!!!??? I mean, we're talking about people with a college education. This shouldn't be difficult for someone with a high school education, but that's just a testament as to the failures of the educational system (my education classes have mostly instilled the firm belief that homeschooling is the way to go). But a) haven't your teachers rung you up on this stuff on papers? and b) DO YOU PAY ATTENTION WHEN WORD UNDERLINES THAT STUFF IN SQUIGGLY GREEN????

I've been thinking about doing a phd in something. Perhaps cultural studies of some kind. I wanna get a phd in comic books. Or underwater basket weeving. I'm mad-good at basket weeving. But really... I think I need to somehow milk 300 pages and a phd on grammar. I just need to find a way.

Still hating the local news.

2006-01-29T00:23:00.000-05:00

Someone was murdered, a hacksaw was involved, and the anchor's about ready to piss herself with glee while reporting the news.

Then the media wonders why they've lost respectability.

Oh yeah, while I'm thinking about it... Remember when reporters used to have two sources before they reported something? Now one "anoymous" source is good enough.

Here's a helpful hint. Another reporter's article is not a source.

God. I mean... it's intellectual dishonesty, first of all. Second of all, it's mental mastburbation, thinking your opinion of current events is so effing important that it must get out there, at all costs, and be first.

In conclusion: Dear Media, You are stupid.

Oh just kill me now

2006-01-28T20:04:00.000-05:00

I started out with really stiff calves before I went jogging today and now my calves and ankles and feet hurt so-fricking-bad. And I stretched out before AND after. NOT FAIR. My heel started hurting again. That stupid thing hasn't bugged me in a couple of years. It's a glorious injury involving cracking the bone by wacking it (really fricking hard) off of a stone window sill at a youth hostil. Don't ask. The tendon hurts like a suminabitch (as my grandmother likes to say it). That's another glorious injury involving gym tennis and being on crutches for almost a year. Don't ask about that one either. I'm pouty, everything hurts, and I need chocolate. This is not a want thing. It's a physical need.

Silence is mystery

2006-01-27T15:23:00.000-05:00

People may think you're stupid if you're quiet. But if you open your mouth, you'll remove all doubt.

...

Have you ever noticed how phrases like "artsy" or "computer-savvy" are used by people who arn't? Usually it's someone saying "I'm not artsy, like you," because they can't draw a straight line with a ruler or "I'm just not computer-savvy enough to fix this problem," when they just can't handle clicking on start and going to programs--if it isn't on their desktop, they just "dont have the program." Or "I'm just not mechanical." Who says mechanical? People who arn't "Mechanically inclined" (Because 'yknow, mechanically inclined is too "technical"). Meaning, replacing the bag on the vacuum cleaner is just too tough.

When someone says "I'm really artsy," or "I can do it myself, I'm really computer savvy," I run, and I hide. Because I know it's going to end badly.

HUH???

2006-01-27T03:59:00.001-05:00

Granted, it's 4:01 am, and I'm doing homework, holding both the book and highlighter (mmm... highlighter) awful close to my face... but what in the hell does this mean?

"It is the aboutness or isness of the relationship to it that varies."

WTF?

The only thing that I can think of is maybe President Clinton really DIDNT have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky.

I need to stop biting on this highlighter like it's a cigar.

Everything but the game

2006-01-27T03:50:00.000-05:00

You know what I hate about watching football on network television? Lets see... incessant and constant commercial breaks for one. They haveta stop the play, or have a longer break for the network. Next, the announcers. Have you ever heard a bigger bunch of lack-witts than those fatuous "color commentators" on TV? There's the stating the obvious, there's the stupid metaphors, there's the patting each other on the back constantly. Barf. Then there's the news-babes on the sidelines, trying to take it seriously, screamin' over the fans into the microphone, steem coming out of their noses like dragons as they freeze their asses off because the 'men folk' are in the press booth, nice and toasty and being served by Hooters waitresses while they say stupid things and laugh at how the news babes are on the sidelines, but they're safe and warm.

But... there's this one thing that happens on the network telecasts of NFL football that grinds on my nerves like fingers on a cheese grater. The. Gratuitous. Shots. Of. Football. Players. On. The. Sidelines. With. Their. Hands. On. Their. Hips.

MAKES ME NUTS.

It's like, when I was in high school, and I figured out if they cut out the half hour of "Quality Resource Time" (a glorified study hall in which you couldn't actually study or do homework), lunch, all the wasted time between classes, all the wasted time getting everyone in class to shush and behave, group activities and waiting for everyone else to finish, and the wasted five or ten minutes at the end of class where everyone was congregating near the door, waiting for the bell... the school day would be about two hours long, and I'd have five more hours a day to do shit that wasn't lame or stupid. It's like that. But with football.

Think about it. How much football could you get in if you weren't standing there with your hands on your hips, waiting for the network break to end, the never-ending time out to end, the ref in the funny little booth to watch the play fifty seven different times on the challenged play to end, or even eeeeevery time the clock stops. Run out of bounds, sneeze while you're lining up, the clock stops. Oh and God forbid a flag get thrown. That just makes the clock stop for even longer. I could cook a turkey in the time that the clock is stopped on some of these penalties, the worst of which being the dreaded red flag...

...Anyways... It'd be a hell of a lot of football in the three or four hours usually alotted by the network for the game. Shit. Think about how long it'd take you to play a 60 minute game, without the guys with their hands on their hips for minutes on end? I dont know... Like... 60 minutes. Then we could get on with our lives. With the constant stopping and starting, it just ruins the flow and the suspense and the drama.

Which is why I like watching games on the NFL network. Sixty minutes, including commercials, so it isn't the full sixty minutes of play. And it starts off with the dramatic build-up, the grounds crew shoveling snow out of the aisles, sun rising over the stadium in Denver, "flashbacks" to last week's games highlights and lowlights, the pregame baloons floating up to the sky, the lady on the horse (why don't we have a lady on a horse? Or cute girls in short skirts and hard hats?)... the pregame talkup on the sidelines, finally, the music, the slo-mo, the deep-voiced narrator. Some plays, some plays repeated at different angles at even slower mo, closeups on guys on the sidelines, shiny faces frowning in concentration, commentary from the sidelines, post-game celebration in the locker room... There aint a whole lot of game going on here either, but it's got flow and suspense, and moves a hell of a lot faster.

Hey, sometimes it's not about the game, so much as the story behind the play. But I know one thing for certain, it aint about long shots of big, over-padded asses with hips holding up hands. Thank GOD for the only channel on my cable box more gratuitous than the SPEED Network. Thank you, NFL network, you are ROXOR!!!111oneoneoneone.

The Phantom of the Playoffs.

2006-01-25T16:54:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to post this since Monday. Oh well. The intarweb hates me.

Waaaaay back in December (stop me if you've heard this one), my sister Mary asked to go see The Phantom of the Opera for Christmas, instead of a "real" Christmas present. Mary and I had a blast at Brigadoon and Singin' in the Rain (which she and Jenn watch non-stop on on-demand), so I figured hey, give the kid what she wants for Christmas!

Then Melissa overhears this, and asks if she's going to be left out. I didn't take her to see The Nutcracker this year (which we do almost every year) because a) I was uber busy with school in December, and b) they didn't have any shows after Christmas. Their last show was on the 23rd, and we always went the week between Christmas and New Years, because we were both off. Of course, Mary usually came along too, so I figured hey, Phantom only comes once every few years, the Nutcracker is around every year.

I started thinking... you know, if I take both of them to see The Phantom of the Opera, and I don't take Jenn, Jenn'll feel left out. Jenn wanted to see the movie so much that we went together, so she's probably interested, even if she'll never admit it to another human bean. So, ok. Three tickets for Phantom of the Opera. A little pricy, but doable.

Then I let slip that I was taking the girls, and my brother stared on the "what about me" stuff. I told him I'd been planning on getting him booze. First, he's 21. Booze is important. Second, he already saw Phantom of the Opera when I dragged him when he was in middle school. And... well, it's kinda girly. But he says, and I quote, "I can by myself alcohol."

And thus it was so, the Phantom tickets were bought. Mom was having a bad Christmas (what with having a crappy job she'd just started, and being in the middle of a divorce), so I got a few cool things for the kids to have something to unwrap (you'd think that they're old enough that it wouldn't be a big deal, but Mary was really bummed about it), and let them know I had the tickets.

Fast-forward...

Sunday night. I'm dressed all cute in Jenn's dress (Which looks better on me, I might add) and freezing my behind off in the cold. Last week all that badness with the Steelers in the fourth quarter happened because I'd been watching the game. For the good of the city, I stayed as far away from television as I could, but the last I'd heard, we were ahead. And there was also plenty of game left to mess it up.

We had to wait and wait for Jenn to leave her BF's place before we could walk over to the Benidum. As we were walking, we had a conversation that went a little something like this:

Jenn says "why did they plan a show for the same time the Steelers were playing?"

I tried to explain that, uh, last year when they were setting the schedule for the shows in Pittsburgh, they probably wern't thinking too hard about if/when the Steelers got to the AFC game. Strange, though it may seem, the world does not revolve around Steelers football (it revolves around NASCAR, dummy--already got the Budwiser Shootout set to record on the TiVo).

We got in there and climbed up an endless set of stairs. Instead of reaching a monastary, or even Ra's al Ghoul (which would have been cool at least) we reached the top tier. We sat there for quite a while. Eventually, Jenn had the phone attached to her head again, and I figured she was doing something lame like calling her boyfriend. I also HAAAATE it when people can't put down the cell phone long enough to interract with the world around them, and use their phones in places where it's not appropriate. That's not the point. She was calling dad to ask for the score. He said we were ahead, and it was the two minute warning. Mary was all excited that they were "going to win," as she put it. I reminded her that all of last week's craziness happened after the 2 min mark.

Within about thirty seconds, word got through the auditorium, and there was clapping through the audience.

A few minute later, even MORE applause and cheering when it was announced that we'd won, and we were going to the Superbowl. A yellow towel here and there waved, one or two whistles. The applause was good and hearty and lasted a minute or so. It died down and a few minutes later, the lights dimmed and the conductor came out. He waved a Terrible Towel, or something, and the crowed errupted. I saw just as many Terrible Towels as at a Steelers home game. We're talking, whistles, clapping, a standing O for the Steelers. Then the chanting started. Yes, thirty seconds before The Phantom of the Opera started, the sold-out Benidum Hall was thundering with "Here we go Steelers, here we go!" And it went on, and on, and on.

I know we're a drinking town with a football problem. I wasn't sure whether this rather uncouth display of fandom was cool, or a little disturbing.

Thanks, BLS and HMC

2006-01-25T16:31:00.000-05:00

Abriviations are awesome. And thank you *shut my mouth*

I got lots of stuff to write about but I'm sick and stuff so my concentration aint what it used ta be, even with the little orange pill of happy goodnes. I'll try to tell you all about it later.

New Years Resolution -or- There's Always Lent

2006-01-21T19:32:00.000-05:00

One of my new years ' resolutions was to learn how to accept a complement. Thanks to having an overly-critical mother and father and teachers who never knew I was alive, unless it was because I'd done something bad, I'm overly self-critical. I also don't know how to take a complement. It's taken me YEARS to get to a point where I don't automatically lash out at myself whenever someone gives me a complement. I figured out that I was kind of insulting people by informing them of why their complement was erronious and misinformed. Now I'm working on accepting a complement graciously without deflecting, avoiding or brushing it off. Or laughing off. Man, I'm a broken human being.

There're a lot of times I lack a genuine reaction to things. I usually just react the way I think a "normal" person would react. I'm not sure why there's a disconnect. Either I need to cultivate my best Olivier standing in front of the mirror, practicing the facial gestures of how a thankful and gracious person would react to a complement, or I need to somehow drudge that emotion up from within me. Unfortunately it's burried so deep, Uta Hagan would probably haveta get a core sampling drill.

Instead of being pleased that someone else is pleased that my performance was good, story was good, did a good job cooking, etc. I get this deer in the headlights kind of feeling. I panic, flat out. Mostly this happens if they complement me in person. The Intarweb allows me to be a bit more detached and not panic over what emotion a "sane" person would portray. Instead of getting my stomach all up in knots, it'd be nice if I could just be happy that they were happy.

What brought about this maudlin mulling over my complete brokenness as a human being (I should be taken back to the factory, and someone should demand a refund. Like Coleman air mattresses, I come with a lifetime warentee), you ask? I don't remember exactly... no wait, I do. My aunt asked me if I was late to my grandmother's party (still waiting to find out why my grandfather held a sit-in protest in his own kitchen over the party). My aunt asked if I was late because of work. I said no, I had a voice lesson, but I was going to work after the party. And she said "well, you always did have a good voice, even as a little kid. So when should we sign you up?"

Besides the *plink plink* my eyes were doing at the "sign you up" portion of that remark (turned out she was having this weird American Idol conversation with our waiter, whos rock band--which was aparently really popular in europe but totally unknown here-- she happened to see in Germany the last time she was there, and whom she recognised immediately--totally small world. I digress)... I was having the mental hyperventalation that comes with someone saying something nice. Instead of saying "thank you, I'm glad you think so," I kind of chuckled and muttered "I dunno," and invested myself whole-heartedly in pouring four ounces of wine into my glass. Must. Say. "Thank you." Some day I'm going to figure out how.

And not "thank you, I'm glad you think so." And that can't be in my tone of voice. Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Or thank you, and thanks for noticing. Maybe I need to practice in front of my mirror :)

Attention: World. Ending.

2006-01-21T15:36:00.000-05:00

I'm one week ahead on the readings for one of my classes. There'll be signs in the heavens, folks!! The sky IS falling!!

I could very possibly take over the world if the doc ups my Adderol a few more mg.

Head... hurts.

2006-01-18T21:49:00.000-05:00

I haven't had a migrane in a while, so I'm pretty miserable right now. You get used to feeling good, and you forget how to feel miserable all the time.

My eyeballs hurt and feel like they're gunna blow. I've been having trouble seeing. Maybe my glasses are going "bad" already. I've only had them since August. Oh well. I can technically get an eye examn on my eye insurance, since I did the last one on James' eye insurance (yeah, double eye coverage. We're both blind as bats). Then I can get contacts that're the right prescription at least. I think with the last pair of contacts I had, I was getting closer to finding a pair I could wear for more than a couple of hours without using an entire bottle of eyedrops.

Except, I have no faith in the eye place that took over for my previous eye doctor. I called them about something, and they never EVER called me back. They suck.

Oh well. Guess my eyeballs are just going to have to explode, and blood'll pour out of the sockets like in that one BBC recording of Oedipus.

Feelin' the burn

2006-01-17T15:55:00.000-05:00

What aint burning right now? My eyes are burning from too much plasma display in addition to too much text book. My brain is burning from info overload, and that's with only doing one class' work this week. I completely neglected the other one. But the teacher's out of town till tomorrow, so hopefully it'll all work out in the end.

My little tootsies and calves burn. I don't know if I didn't stretch out enough before I went jogging, or what. I do have the whole falling arches thing going for me, so that could be the feet pain, but I swear, I didn't have it last week. I had fun at the chiropractor's today. I didn't see my regular chiropractor, I saw the head of the group, who's always interesting to talk to. Surprisingly conservative. He doesn't like academia any more than I do. One time, he was telling me about how he was excited to have ONE article in a peer-reviewed journal, and he told a former classmate, and the classmate wasn't all that impressed because he had SEVERAL HUNDRED. I actually think it's a credit to the guy--he's too busy doing stuff in the real world to write stuffy academic stuff (though he does want to write a book). There's NOTHING WORSE than a "professor" of something who hasn't been out in the real world in like 20 years.

Back to the burning sensations... I suddenly have this "thing" in my lungs and a migrane. I think that sums up my life today.

The most productive unproductive day of my life.

2006-01-16T00:59:00.000-05:00

Got most of the Christmas stuff taken down (finally!!) and unburried my office. I can now see the floor, put away the wrapping paper (in a REAL PLACE this time, OMG) and all the sticker. Unburried my makeup table, put everything in the new jewlery box (realized why it was so cheap--it doesn't quite close all the way. Oh well, it's hugungo, and therefore what I needed, so beggers wont be choosers), rearranged the shelves next to the table, kicked the sterlite drawers over into the corner and stacked them nicely so they'll be inconspicuous (or less so than when they were in the middle of the dang floor),

MOSTLY unburried my desk. Technically, it's messy but usable right now. Before it was just overrun. I had to take the cute stuff off the top. I liked that doll. I hope I can find a stand for her. She's living over near the makeup table now, but it's not the same. She looked better on wood. I hope I can get a set of book shelves (maybe big ones) for my office, I need places to put crap for school. I have old text books and binders full of printed out PDFs stashed behind the makeup table right now, which is just unkoscher.

Done an assload of laundry. Finished watching Sci Fi Friday, which means I just need to squeeze in Ghost Whisperer and Numb3rs between now and Tuesday. I [heart] Supernatural, and SOMEHOW I'm going to make time to watch that sh-t. While I'm thinking about it, Smallville was almost a total waste of space on the dvr, except for Lois. Same as last season. Pa Kent really needs to get with the program. He's so busy busting on Lex all the time that he doesn't see the real threat: Lois. Deep inside her lies a heart of pure evil.

I'm so full of the ADD. I took my pills but all it made me able to do was focus on things that I dont have time to be working on. Currently I'm obsessing over a bookshelf in my office and lamp table. Yes, the desire/need for a lamp table (I have no lamp to put on it, of course) has just taken over my head. I have about 35 more pages of book to read between now and oh, tomorrow morning.

I just can't do it. I can't concentrate. There's like 95 things living in my head right now. I have some ideas for the short story that I started that Brad bugs me about every time he sees me. I have an idea for the script we were talking about (starting place. NO idea where to go from there, of course), I am afraid to pick up my notebook and start jotting stuff down because I'll look up and realize that another 2 hrs have passed. If inability to focus were a mutant power, I'd be an X-Man. I have it SO MUCH. SOOOO MUCHHHHHH.

Um... Gotta work tomorrow. Days off are for losers. One-day weekends and six day work weeks am teh roxor!!11one.

Every time I think about My Little Pony, I freak out because I decided to start collecting them again, but I never have time to actually go looking for more than the whopping one I have. Every time I think about homework, I freak out. The house being less than clean is freaking me out. I want to scrub the bathtub with bleach and a toothbrush (James, of course, not mine. Mine has a really small head. And I'm sure the little rubber thingy in the middle of his would get the stains off rilly gewd). I can't get anything done because my house is tormenting my mind. And I'm exhausted. I got next-to no sleep last night and the night before. AKKKKK.

Brad BETTER not ask me if I wrote anything tomorrow night. I'll probably set him on fire, because I just keep freaking out about how I haven't picked up the book I'm reading in like two or three days, and I haven't written anything that was for real in a week, which sucks because instead of doing homework tonight I also managed to bust out like three pages of this thing that is of no importance to anyone, but which I think is really groovy.

What the hell time is my chiropractor appt? What time do I have to be at work? Are there pennies in heaven?

HAPPY 80th BIRTHDAY, NANA!!!!

2006-01-14T19:04:00.000-05:00

This is Nana's 80th birthday party. It was pretty good. Abate's sun room/party room thingy is pretty nice. It was a little warm in there, surprisingly. The atmosphere was nice, I liked the plants and the greenery. It helped to take our minds off of the INSANE COLDNESS that just moved in. Grandpap didn't come. He threw some kind of temper-tantrum (haveta call mom and get the details, it was hard with everybody talking and catching up today). Nana was a little sad at first, but she perked up by the end. Presents always make me happy too [smiles]

2006-01-14T18:40:00.000-05:00

Wow, the flash really sucks on this thing. The pictures came out so much better when I switched it to night-mode, which still uses the flash, but does a better job with the background.

2006-01-14T18:38:00.000-05:00

Wow. Lotsa faces. Foreground, Sarah my cousin, Far left, Linda her mom, background left, my mom, Aunt Shirley, in front of her, Aunt Hilde, David, my sister Mary, Uncle Ralph on the far right, and just in front of him is my cousin Adam.

2006-01-14T18:36:00.000-05:00

Jenn and her boyfriend. STILL waiting for my Tupperware back. It's not that I'm in love with my Tupperware or anything (though I did get it from my grandma on my dad's side, so I wanna keep it nice), it's the principle of the matter.

2006-01-14T18:33:00.000-05:00

Card with $20 from Linda & Family. Time was, that'd be a great gift for Nana. She'd immediately blow it on pizza, or "the numbers." No, not "running numbers" (though my mom did run numbers to the local bookie for family members when she was too little to know what she was doing). Nana was hardcore on the lotto. Now she's a bright teal dye fading into a tapestry over time, until everything's dull, and you can only make out the lines and shapes of what was once a vibrent piece of artwork. ok, too metaphorical. She has alzheimers, she's had a stroke, and she's slowing down. No more late-night calls for pizza, and no more sitting in front of the TV after dinner, waiting for the news just so she could hear what numbers hit, whether she played or not. What time does to us.

2006-01-14T18:28:00.000-05:00

Uncle Tony, Mom, Aunt Shirley (David's wife) Uncle David (mom's brother) and Aunt Hilde (yellow) And my massive purse. wave HI to the collie on my purse. I want a puppy.

2006-01-14T18:26:00.000-05:00

Aunt Linda filming Sarah and Nana opening up mom's card. Or maybe it was Jenn's. It was also bumpy and had sparklies and stuff. Remind me to link back to the story involving Aunt Linda and my wedding video some day.

2006-01-14T18:15:00.000-05:00

And she liked my card. I made sure I got one with the most texture. She rubbed her hand over it and said "it feels nice." Which made Jenn cry. Sarah read the card to her.

2006-01-14T18:10:00.001-05:00

Sarah, helping Nana open her gifts. Hey, I impressed a 7 year old with that sweater.

2006-01-14T18:10:00.000-05:00

She liked the sweater, it was soft.

2006-01-14T18:09:00.000-05:00

That's Nana with the sweater that "James and I" gave her. Haha. When James reads my blog, that'll be the first time he's seen it. Oh crap, I just realized I didn't take a picture of the cake. That's like unforgiveable if you're italian. You get excommunicated from the Catholic Church, tossed out of the mob by your cement shoes, and disowned by the family. Look back on that table, see the cake and cookies? Woops.

2006-01-14T18:06:00.000-05:00

My ever-jovial sister, Mary. I have no idea who's hand that is. It's kind of scary, like it's moving independantly of a human being. Anyways, Mary's head of the Humor Club at her school, which her teachers started just because Mary and her friends are so gosh-darned funny.

2006-01-14T18:02:00.000-05:00

Mommy's way fun when she's toasty. Next to her is Uncle Tony, mom's sister's husband.

2006-01-14T17:51:00.000-05:00

L-R, Aunt Shirley, Uncle David, Aunt Hilde. I think Hilde drank an entire bottle of wine herself. The truely amusing part is that she wasn't drunk.

2006-01-14T17:49:00.000-05:00

They didn't bundle her up like Nanook just because she's old and is always cold. It's fricking freezing out there. Yesterday I was jogging in shirt sleeves. Today it's snowing.

2006-01-14T17:47:00.000-05:00

Bye bye, Nana.

Pony up

2006-01-12T22:04:00.000-05:00

All that stuff James said he'd do "When Kevin Smith puts out the next issue of Spider-man/Black Cat..." has come due.

1) Detailing the car

2) Learning how to cook

3) Wanker Piercing

4) Returning to school

5) Being nice to my sibilings

Pirates are sexy

2006-01-12T20:31:00.000-05:00

I just had a professor suggest we learn how to use P2P clients, because it's "important technology," ethical issues aside. He suggested looking for unix manuals, first of all.

...

Dude, I never thought of using a P2P for marginally good, instead of evil. I mean, where's the fun. It takes away the mistique and the sexiness of it being "indy" and such. If it became main stream, or tame, would it be as fun to use?

Widgets gadets and straw wrappers.

2006-01-11T23:33:00.000-05:00

James, who hates macs, is anxious for me to upgrade to 10.4, which I haven't done mostly out of personal laziness, considering I get the software for $5 from work. I think he just wants widgets. He says they look like a lot of fun. I think he just likes the name widget. Maybe it'll work better than the gadgets on the the webmail at school.

On a seperate note, I hope to one day be able to eat popcorn without inhailing bits of it and coughing for half an hour straight.

Once, I pulled my inhailer out of my jacket pocket. The lid was missing, so I just shook it up and took a thwack off it, and ended up with a crumpled up straw wrapper stuck somewhere down my windpipe. That was like really taxing to cough up. I needed a nap when I was done.

Days and days and weeks and months

2006-01-11T18:21:00.000-05:00

Yeah. It's bee like three days since I blogged. I'm leaving work soon. I feel like a pile of crap, so that's a good reason to leave. Just waiting till the guy that's there comes back from lunch. Whatever. I feel so on top of things because my homework's organized for like the next month for my classes. I can't find my desk tho, so I have no place to do this stuff. Waa.

I did such a good job taking down the Christmas decorations...

2006-01-08T23:36:00.000-05:00

I brought up one bin, and the box for the tree.

...

That's all I dun, and I dun gewd.

I could just leave it up till next year. I guess that's a possibility.

A total failure at getting stuff done.

2006-01-08T18:08:00.000-05:00

I accomplished going to church and getting groceries. Then I came home and hit the hay till almost 4. I coulda gone jogging while the weather was good, but that'd have been too simple. Now it's dark and I'm not quite sure I an force myself to go. Ugg. If I were not a total putz, I'd go get my text book from the Waterfront. Because y'know, that's a drive I really wanna take on my day off. blah.

You know, the day that I'm wearing a sweater with nothing under it, haven't washed my face and am running late is the day we gotta wear choir robes. I contemplated going commando. Not like pantsless, though the robe was long enough (this time--it's hit or miss whether I'm going to get a grownup robe, or a short German woman robe). It's SO fricking hot next to the organ. I was doing the yucky sweat thing right on the stole thingy. Eww.

FINALLY getting caught up on my Friday TV. Stargate's back on. Yaay. Finally got Yahoo! Chat running on my Mac. Y'know, because everybody cares so deeply. Firefox has been pissing me off more and more lately. It hasn't been doing the happy crashing thing since I downloaded a newer version. I dont really like Safari, but the latest update of it has been less craptacular as well.

I'm ready for bed again, which is sad.

So organized it may cause me to hurl.

2006-01-06T22:49:00.000-05:00

Yeah. I need to dig my desk out at home... but holy crap, I'm so ready for this semester of school. I've got my crap printed and highlighted and seperated and binder-ed and other stuff. Roxor!!111.

I gotta order my book, tho. Which is going to be difficult. See previous post regarding how stupid people are dumb. Oh well. I'll wait till we do the bills tonight. Getting paid on payday woulda helped the dang budget!!

I'd hit that shit.

2006-01-06T20:11:00.000-05:00

I love those crazy cats over at Oxford.

Oxford Am Not English. Bizzaro HATES Oxford English Dictionary. Snowball disagrees.

You're not Rutger Hauer.

2006-01-06T13:07:00.000-05:00

So we went online to check James' direct deposit this morning to see how much he got with overtime and holiday pay, and saw that nothing had been deposited. James figured they had fired him or something. I figured they were incompetent, and would be handing out checks to everyone today. I was right. So his friend, who's name is also James, says they told him "didn't you get the memo?" in a shitty voice. You know, like Rutger Hauer in Batman Begins. Meanwhile, this memo allegidly came out yesterday (at least, that's what it's dated), but NO ONE on the evening shift has even heard of it, which means it wasn't there YESTERDAY EVENING. James had to steal one off of someone elses' desk. Why didn't they send out an e-mail to everyone? Everyone has an account and uses it for inner-office communications. Oh wait, because then everyone would have seen that the time stamp was probably early this morning. They knew this job didn't run on MONDAY. And they wait until today to let everyone know? That's just rude. Especially since many of the people who work there live paycheck to paycheck (they don't exactly pay well). FORTUNATELY last friday was MY big payday, so we arn't destitute, but that certainly thwarts my attempt to get the breaks fixed monday on my only day off that the car place is also opened. So I'm going to have to wait another 9 days or so to get them done, but I kinda needed to get them done LAST week, but I got up too late (missed my chiro appt and the car appt). Nothing like not helping people plan ahead. Knowing on Tuesday not to blow the rest of last week's pay on new ringtones and a glow in the dark carrying case for your cell phone is helpful (I know someone who did that once, when *I* was in college, and most folks didn't have cell phones). So, whatever. Stupid people are dumb.

I'm typing this on James' machine... no wonder he thinks he's going blind. He keeps telling me everything's blurry all the time. Honey, it isn't "everything," it's just your monitor. I pwomis we'll get you a new one soon. One that doesn't take up half the known universe (i swear, this monitor is the third person in our marriage--it's just ENORMOUS. CRT's are teh suktar).

I don't wanna do nuffin

2006-01-05T15:38:00.000-05:00

Except sit here and be depressed. Like everyone else in the world, I put on a few pounds during the holidays. Ok, more than a few. TEN. Unlike the rest of the universe, I'm probably not going to be able to take it off. The harder I work at it, the more I fail. It's winter, which is depressing (fuck you, people who like winter). I could jog and go to the gym every fricking day, eat what I normally eat, eat a little less, even eat hardly anything at all, and nothing will fricking happen. GRRG. I look frumpy in all of my clothes, and I'm a grad student paying out of pocket, so it's not like i have money to go out and buy more clothes that're going to fit weird anyways. And I have that winter thing where I'm tired all the time no matter what the hell I do. Oh yeah and there're going to be people over my house every weekend on my only day with my husband. Yeah, yeah, it could be worse, and bla bla bla. But it feels like the end of the world to me because I'm depressed. So shut up and leave me alone and spare me the lecture. Oh yeah, and fuck you in advance, if you were even contemplating giving me a lecture. 8 days until I can get the psychiatrist to fuck with my meds and counting...

Does being a basket-case count as a disability?

2006-01-05T11:03:00.000-05:00

there was a thing in the syllabus for one of my classes stating that we should talk to the student disabilities office if we had a disability that needed accounting for and needed any modified instruction. I'm not sure there is any sort of "modified instruction" you can give someone with ADD. Other than the kind of "therapy" in that one south park episode where the therapist just yelled at the kids ;)

I think I'm going to haveta, gasp, work in this class. Not like, work-work, like AT work, or MATH or anything like that--that stuff's hard for me to figure out, and I never get it (well, math) and work is just work, and at work, everybody works. But like... doing stuff. I refer to stuff that takes a longn time to do and a lot of effort as "crap I haveta do." Like that DIALOG assignment? That was work. I'm gunna have a lot of crap to do in this class. The teacher looks OK tho. I kinda dig what she did her doctoral thesis in, and I'm gunna see if I can dig it up (with my copious amounts of spare time, you know).

I just had the insane idea that I should take three classes this term and three the next and graduate in fall term. I have lots of reasons for it. I've determined that I CAN do 3 classes, even if it's nerve-wracking. I might haveta give up the voice lessons temporarily so I can afford it and have time (especially since my kind employer now has me working saturday "indefinately," which is my only day to take voice lessons, really).

I busted so much ass in undergrad to get out early becuase of the situation I was in. It was painful, and I spent six weeks on my mother's couch watching powder puff girls because that was all my brain could handle... but I did it. Why do I always think of this stuff late in the game? Oh well, it wasn't like I could do it summer term, when that was my first term. And it was impossible to cram any more shit into last term. Stuff started falling off the map, like eating things that wern't candy or peanutbutter, excercise, hygene. You know... stuff.

I don't know... I just need this period of my life to be over. Crazy little me, I'm thinking of doctoral studies, which I think would be "fun," but that's because I never had toys as a child and I think research papers and the History Channel are a hot way to spend a friday night. There's sixty billion things I'm interested in,and could EASILY spend two or three years doing intense research into. maybe I need to pull something out of a hat :)

Oh well. Don't know about my other class yet. still haven't put away the good china from Christmas, and my office needs to be excavated before I do homework. I don't know when this proverbial homework-doing will be, since I now work on saturdays. This is going to be... interesting.

A semi-friend from high school died in her sleep the night before last. I think she was a year or two younger than me. That's just... wow. Very surreal. When I was in college, one of my classmates died in a carwreck over break. Another died of heart failure a few months after I graduated. That seemed less surreal than this. Not sure why.

Sunday I'm going to have to put away the Christmas stuff. I'm ready for it, but I kind of still don't want to. Why do we put away the lights and stuff, if January and February are the coldest, darkest, most miserable months of the year? We should leave our lights up, and keep 'em burning till the first week of March. Maybe I need to over-decorate for presidents' day and valentines day (and st. patty's day, for that matter). Of course, our electric bill was insano, so... maybe not.

What else? Oh yeah, happy Twelth Night. In the medaevil world, today is the last day of the Christmas season, as The Epiphany is tomorrow, which is technically the 12th day of Christmas (go with me on this, guys). Now you know and knowing's half the battle. Yo joe.

I hate to eat. I never think about it until I'm ready to gnaw off my own leg. And making stuff to eat is just way more time consuming than I want it to be. It takes like... several minutes. Sometimes more than five. Somehow, I'm broken and don't realize I'm hungry until it's the end of the world, which usually leads to me eating candy. Like last night, with my crappy salad. I got a salad to try to be somehow even remotely healthy, but the thing was miniscule. Like, I could see the styrophome on the bottom of the takeout tray. So OF COURSE, I was hungry in an hour.

ARG. I was going to go back to sleep for another hour or something, but there's someone beating away with a hammer across the street. My iPod, of course, is in the car, so I cant even make a vane attempt at drowning thebastard out. This is one thing i hate about working off-shifts, and is even worse when you work the overnight shift--you're trying to sleep and the world is going on around you, noisily.

Breaks need done, my monkey needs a new outfit from Build-A-Bear, and the universe is poopy. Oh wait, I have a $20 coffee card, after that debacle at Carabou. If my battery didn't suck so bad and need to be replaced, I could go there and pretend to write while I guzzled down things meant to dehydrate me and keep me awake. Such is life.

To Blog the Impossible Blog

2006-01-04T21:20:00.000-05:00

or whatever.

I don't know. Second day back on the Adderol... it aint doing jack. I'm not sure it was working before, either, but now it's COMPLETELY not working. If I'm going to pay for something non-fomulary that my insurance won't cover, I want it to work, dammit. I want to be able to concentrate so hard that I can bend spoons, or take over the world. Either will be fine. Instead I've spent my day being skitzo and flipping back and forth from one thing to another... oh yeah, and having panic attacks about school and freaking out about how I got a B, and how I could possibly get... ANOTHER B!!!!!! Holy crap, end of the world type stuff.

Ugg. I haven't had a decent meal in like two days, which means I've eaten candy, which isn't good for me. Went out jogging today. In short sleeves. Yes, in January. Last Jan i was riding my bike in a short sleeve shirt. Late Jan, all of Feb and part of March were just terrible though. It snowed, then stayed bitter cold, so the snow and ice were around for a month and a half. I hate being that cold. I have stupid seasonal depression, so I spent every minute from Thanksgiving until April 1st wishing I were dead every year. Then (if I may be ADD enough to sidetrack) when I tell people I want to move to Texas or Az.they are like "Why do you want to move there? It's so HOT!" And I'm thinking to myself... yes, you jackass. I hate winter. I want it to be 90 degrees, bare minimum, YEAR ROUND. I can put on the air conditioner and stay cool. but no matter how high I put my heat up in the winter, I'm still cold. I'm cold right now, at work. I am cold till spring. Why would I want to keep living some place where I am cold and depressed all the time? Just because YOU don't like hot weather??? Ugg. Go to hell.

I've had a bad day. I had like half an hour to do six zillion things (I HATE rushing around), and everything is yuky. And I hate stupid people who don't turn left when they have the chance. HATE.

Happy J. R. R. Tolkin's Birthday Day

2006-01-03T10:55:00.000-05:00

Should be a national nerd holiday and we should all have off. I know. Life is cruel that way.

Johnny-Come-Lately Year In Review:

2006-01-03T02:01:00.000-05:00

TV:

Smallville’s finally out of the super suck basement of suckage. Last season was really just marking time to get to this season. Too many freaks of the week, too much back tracking. The only redeeming parts of last season were the Lois episodes. Not because the actual plot was so challenging, but because they actually somehow managed (fluke I’m sure) to get the Lois/Clark combative relationship down. This year, however, has been excellent, even without Lois in most of the episodes. Lexmas was excellent. If I had to nominate an episode for an Emmy, it would be that one. It just made me so damned sad that Lex is going to become so damned evil.

Alias has fallen off of my map. I was kind of interested, but it was on the same time as Smallville. I watched the first episode where they killed Vaughn (bastards), and half of another episode with frail little blonde girl who looks like an anorexic model. Jennifer Gardner still rocks even though she had a big budging baby belly. Still, that show seems to have run out of steam. Still a shame it’s being canceled. I know, I know, if it aint doing it, can it. But Mostly I think I’m just sad that it aint doin’ it any more.

Nightstalker was a show I loved as a kid in reruns. Even now, when I’m sick, it’s Quincy, MD and Nightstalker all day until Magnum comes on and I fall asleep face first in my soup. And drown. And die. The new series is OK. I don’t always catch it, and don’t always care that I miss it. Stewart Townsend is too young for the part, in my humble opinion.

Supernatural doesn’t need much said about it, other than WATCH WITH THE LIGHTS ON. It’s a good, solid, scary show. They’ve started on the season-long arch far earlier than Smallville ever did, but they also have great freak of the week type episodes. I appreciate that it’s geared towards grownups. There isn’t enough horror/urban-fantasy stuff that isn’t geared directly towards the kids who shop at Hot Topic.

Dr Who has been utterly fantastic. I liked the old doctor, I like the new doctor (Barty Jr, if you’re nerd enough to know. Or Casanova, if you’re really REALLY nerdy). I like Captain Jack the most though. Glad he’s getting his own show.

Star Gate SG1 – Praise the Lord, new episodes start this Friday. I [heart] Claudia Black (and Ben Browder, truth be told). I would so completely love to see her character get it on with Daniel Jackson. I could die happy then. Tiel’k (or however the hell you spell it) looks like a Chia Pet. Shaft needs to shave his head with a big knife.

Movies:

Batman Begins was the best. WB is still run by evil incompetent suits, but somehow, the dice FINALLY turned up snake eyes. Law of averages I guess, because they can’t possibly keep rolling up losers. Like Catwoman. Why was that movie necessary? Yes, it was The Crow but with kitty cats. However, after The Crow had already been done, did we really need to do The Crow with kitty cats? Wow. That was off-track. Anyways, the movie was a huge apology for previous Batman movies. I look forward to the sequel.

Fantastic Four I liked this movie better the second time around, when I got it on DVD. I think the disadvantage was that it came out after Batman Begins, which had a certain gritty realism to it. This was a comedy, and perhaps because of when it came out, a bit misunderstood.

Serenity was full of awesomes. Everybody I know that has seen it has loved it. It was a great continuation of the series, but watching the series was not imperative to enjoying the movie. Betcha Fox is kicking themselves in the ass over canning Firefly. At leas I hope they are. Assclowns.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire had me cryin’ and cryin’ and cryin’ especially at the end. It was a little more grown-up and definitely darker, which I appreciated. The kids really are growing in their acting skills, which is great to see. Three more movies to go, I hope they make them all. Half-Blood Prince was such a great book. I’d really love to see Daniel Radcliff in that. Mostly I just wanna see Harry and Ginny get together. I’m lame like that.

The Legend of Zorro got bashed thoroughly by critics. I enjoyed it though. That came out when I was in finals, and needed something fun to take my mind off the sheer hell I was living through. What’s wrong with a swashbuckling comedy? Geeze. Critics suck.

The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe wasn’t Lord of the Rings, and some of the special effects were… well, special effecty. But it was still great. I loved that book when I was a kid, so it brought back great memories, and it was a fantastic translation to the big screen. I saw all the BBC videos when I was a kid, and they were just kind of undramatic and boring, and this was anything but that. A movie that’s exciting and fun and for the whole family is a rarity now days.

Comics:

Gotham Knights has been sucking less, but I hate villain books, which it became for a time. I like Devin Grayson and I want to eat her brains, and I thought her run on the book was fricking brilliant. I miss that “family” aspect. That was yummy.

Batman has been good lately just because I like Jason Todd being back from the dead. Of course, him being alive means he’s less dead, which is a bummer. But I like him as a bad guy. It’s fun to watch him mess with Bruce’s mind. Because Bruce is such a fucking consummate schmuck.

**update—I’ve decided I fucking hate this book. The fuckers brought him back just to kill him again. DC, you suck. A lot. I hope you get crabs.

Detective Comics is going to end up on my cut list if it doesn’t turn around shortly. It’s so effing boring. I’ll just leave it at that.

Legends of the Dark Knight – remember when this book used to be “early” Batman tales? I miss that. Now it’s just another book to spill crappy continuity stories into. I have a feeling this book is going to go bye byes after this latest reality-bending crisis. Yeah, fine, whatever. Get rid of Defective Comics and replace it by bringing Impulse back and put this book back the way it was. It’d make the universe suck less.

Robin – This book is rapidly disintegrating into babble and chicken scratch art. It used to be the first thing I read. Now it’s the last. And killing Tim’s dad sucked. Nobody likes having the red hot poker of injustice rammed up his ass.

Batgirl – I like that it’s a quick read. It’s also actually been interesting.

Birds of Prey – Yaay, Babs finally told dad. And just as I suspected—dad tries not to know things. It’s just easier that way.

Superman – I hope Superman gets depowered a bit in the crisis. As usual, Lois gets lost in this book. Why the heck did he get hitched if she was just going to fade into the background. The whole point of Lois is that she’s someone who can keep up with him (and put him in his place when need be).

Supergirl – Totally fun. Kara could have a little more skin covered, but she’s a sweet kid.

Strangers in Paradise – Francine and Kachoo made up and stuff. That’s how I KNOW the book is ending soon (besides the rumors I’ve heard) I’ll be sad without Strangers in my life, really. But Terry Moore told me at the last convention that they are only going to get together when the nurses push their beds together in the old folks’ home. Waa.

Avengers – Finally, a team I can get behind. Spidy, Wolverine, and some other folks. Watching Wolvie hit on MJ is cool. Jarvis and Aunt May are getting’ the old folks groove on.

Ultimate Spider-man – Peter and Kitty Pride are SO cute together.

Daredevil – Has this stopped sucking yet? I can't recall.

The Pulse – Great Idea, bad execution. I miss Alias. We like Jessica swearing and we like her kicking ass. We hate when she’s a weepy chick crying over Luke Cage.

The House of M – We totally avoided this. I hate “events.”

Spider-Girl – It finally got not suck this year! YAAY! We talked to the Spider-Girl team at the convention, and they kind of shared my view, that Mayday was getting lost in her own book. I’m glad they saw the err of their ways LOL.

…And that pretty much wraps up my year. School’s been sort of sucking my will to live and some other stuff is going on, but that above is all the fun stuff. I don’t need to dwell on the other things.

Effing Aye

2006-01-02T22:48:00.000-05:00

We finally got a real cable package. It also has a DVR and stuff, and I got to use the feature that lets you pause live TV. It was SO nice to fast forward through commercials.

That's all. Carry on.

Bringing in the new year right

2005-12-31T23:15:00.000-05:00

We just finished watching Dawn of the Dead. I like to start my year with a nice hopeful film.

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!

Exactly like this, but different.

2005-12-30T16:57:00.000-05:00

HPIM0568
Originally uploaded by battybeyond.

My DreamHouse(r) is going to have three identical stained glass windows in it, just like at church. All bathrooms should have stained glass windows, silly.

It's all so clear. Or not.

2005-12-30T16:56:00.000-05:00

HPIM0566
Originally uploaded by battybeyond.

As a result of the choir's mass alchoholism (see previous post), the church ends up having to post signs like this in the bathroom.

Unhinged. Complete and utterly.

2005-12-30T16:46:00.000-05:00

First of all, the choir at All Saints is entirely full of alchoholics. Secret Santa gifts included: little bottles of wine, a big bottle of wine, congnac and wiskey. I scored the whiskey. I feel bad for giving my secret santa 6 tins of cappucino. Whiskey is way better.

So, we're leaving, and mom has my gift bag on the floorboard at her feet. I start up the car, and she pulls the whiskey out and asks if I mind if she has a sip.

YES I MIND.

THAT WHOLE FRICKING OPENED CONTAINER THING!!!

I dont know if she has ADD that bad or if it's Alzheimers.

Where's my freaking medal?

2005-12-29T20:57:00.000-05:00

I went out jogging today, and I ran for the full 30 min that I go out for. Which is freaking amazing, considering I haven't been out running since Halloween. I'm sure I'll be sad and want to die tomorrow. I was surprised how easy it was. I guess going to the chiropractor is really working out. I didn't have too much trouble with my asthma, either. Of course, I started coughing about an hour and a half after I got back. Oh well :) Hopefully I'll be able to breathe enough to go to the gym tomorrow. And I won't hurt so bad. Anyways, I want a medal. I went out running in the cold.

WAAA!!

2005-12-28T21:21:00.000-05:00

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman		70%
Spider-Man		70%
Green Lantern		65%
Batman		60%
Iron Man		60%
Hulk		60%
Supergirl		59%
The Flash		55%
Wonder Woman		49%
Robin		42%
Catwoman		40%

You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Torchwood

2005-12-26T22:45:00.000-05:00

I had a good Christmas--got some cool stuff, no one marched away from the table. VERY tiring cooking, though. I usually love cooking, but it was just painful yesterday. I think I was starting to get sick yesterday, and I was just starting to feel it.

I got a cool keychain penlight thingy that makes the bat signal. It is very full of awesomness. I got some CD's, and a batman messenger bag and other coolies.

I also got MORE DR WHO for Christmas. Happiness and Joy, Christmas Invasion aired yesterday and I got to watch it this evening during lunch.

I also found out that Captain Jack is getting his own show! W00T!! It's supposed to start next fall on BBC3 (one beeb is as good as the next, really). And it's going to air at like 9pm, so it can afford to be a little more adult. Which is cool because it aint fun unless Captain Jack is "dancing" with every male and female in the universe and pulling sonic weapons out of his butt. D00d. Honestly... if I could only watch Dr. Who, or Torchwood... it might just be Torchwood, I like Captain Jack so much. Fortunately I don't have to make such a choice :) I can have my cake and eat it too.

So... how was your Christmas, internet?

2005-12-23T23:08:00.000-05:00

A fantastic button I just bought at the gas station.

2005-12-23T21:17:00.000-05:00

The tree usedta light up all fiber optically and stuff. Leave the batteries in it for a year or two...

2005-12-23T21:16:00.000-05:00

Her little candles light up, but I I keep forgetting an extension cord.

2005-12-23T21:15:00.000-05:00

An angel with crumply wings. But she can still kick your a--

2005-12-23T21:14:00.000-05:00

In leu of a fireplace, I'll hang my stocking here.

2005-12-23T21:13:00.000-05:00

Headsets and bulbs, oh my.

2005-12-23T21:12:00.001-05:00

Christmas in my cubicle

2005-12-23T21:12:00.000-05:00

Looks like snow's coming.

2005-12-23T21:11:00.001-05:00